A Better Us Blog

Eco-Sexual

2011-07-27T09:21:00.001-05:00

Organic lubes...You can save the planet on boink at a time. But beware of greenwashing "a company's attempt to make a product appear eco-friendly even though it isn't". Choose products with pronounceable ingredients. Ideally the shorter the list, the better. And avoid anything with the word fragrance on the label. It's an indicator that the product contains potentially toxic chemicals. So go green between the sheets and have fun!!

Speak Up for Your Marriage

2011-07-17T10:02:00.000-05:00

People who get anxious in social situations tend to be less happy in their marriages than those who are more outgoing. Researchers examined levels of shyness and marital satisfaction among 112 couples and discovered that the shy spouses had more problems with trust, jealousy, money, and household management. Shy people are less confident in their ability to solve problems so they may end up avoiding marital issues in general. And then the problems snowball. So if you're timid, try to tackle issues head on when they come up instead of hoping they'll go away.

Strange but True Sex Facts

2011-06-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

CERTAIN FOODS CAN MAKE YOU TASTE FUNNY DOWN THERE.> Garlic, onions, and cruciferous veggies aren't just a turnoff when they're on your breath. The fix? Eat fruit (especially pineapple) beforehand to help sweeten you taste. Like the old saying, your are what you eat!

YOU CAN BE ALLERGIC TO SPERM.> If you think you could be among the estimated 20,000 to 40,000 women who get an allergic reaction to their partner's sperm, use a condom until you can get checked out by your doctor.

YOUR GIRLS GROW WHEN YOU GET IT ON.> When your breasts are stroked or kissed, blood flow dilates their arteries, which causes them to grow up to 25 percent larger (but the effect is only temporary).

What Your Pet Can Teach You About Improving Your Relationship

2011-05-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

Want to have a better relationship with your spouse? Treat them the way you treat your dog or cat! According to The New York Times, that includes greeting them with excitement, overlooking their flaws, and easily forgiving their bad behavior. Clinical psychologist Suzanne B. Phillips teaches at Long Island University. She says couples may disagree on most topics, but they usually go all gooey and warm when they talk about the family pet. Saying things like, “They’re undemanding and give me unconditional love” and, “I wish he would give me the same attention he gives the dog.” The reality is: Pets require a lot of time and patience. They chew things, throw up on rugs, have accidents in the house, and steal food from countertops, but we accept their flaws because we love them so much. So, here’s what your pet can teach you about improving your relationship:

• Greet them happily. Even on bad days, we greet our pets with a happy, animated hello, and a display of physical affection. Your spouse deserves nothing less.

• Don’t hold grudges. Even when our pets wreck the furniture, wake us up at 3 am, or leave puddles for us to step in with bare feet, we don’t stay mad at them for long. So, when your spouse leaves their socks on the floor, accidentally deletes everything in the TiVo, or eats the last cookie in the kitchen, cut them a little slack.

• Assume the best. You know your dog wasn’t trying to torture you by eating the mail. So ask yourself: Was your spouse really trying to torture you by putting your keys where you couldn’t find them?

• Finally: Accept your spouse for who they are. If your dog licks a visitor from head to toe, you pull him away, or laugh it off. You don’t view his behavior as something that’ll tarnish your image or cost you a friend. Even if your spouse makes inappropriate comments, eats with their mouth open, or puts a new dent in the car every week – they were probably that way when you fell in love with them. So, accept their flaws, and move on.

You Won’t Divorce-Proof Your Marriage By Avoiding Fights

2011-04-13T07:23:00.001-05:00

Making a marriage last is a 50/50 shot. That’s because half of all marriages end in divorce. Of course, yelling, complaining and name-calling make a break-up more likely to happen. A new study shows that even couples who treat each other with kid gloves when they disagree are just as likely to split up, too. Researchers at the University of Michigan followed nearly 400 married couples over 16 years, periodically checking on the state of their relationships. Most volunteers were in their 20s when the study began, and were interviewed in their home separately, and then with their spouse. The researchers paid close attention to how each couple dealt with conflict, and categorized each volunteer’s behavior in three ways:

· Destructive behavior, that included shouting at each other, throwing things, and name-calling.

· Constructive behavior, like listening to each other’s side of the story, and having a peaceful discussion.

· Withdrawal, where one or both partners said nothing, and went off to be alone.

The result: It’s a no-brainer that destructive behavior sent couples running for divorce court. Even couples where both spouses withdrew to a private place when they fought had a rocky relationship. The worst possible combination? Couples where one partner tackled problems head-on, but their mate withdrew, gave the “silent treatment” and ignored the issue at hand. The experts say, you won’t divorce-proof your marriage just by avoiding fights. That’s because couples who run from conflict are likely to build up resentment and lash out in passive-aggressive ways, which leads to more problems down the road. Your best bet: Discuss the issues as they pop up during your relationship, try to keep calm and listen to each other - and learn to compromise.

Post - Fri Feb 11 01:45:50 IST 2011

2011-02-10T08:05:00.003-06:00

Tips for Finding Love

Listen up, singletons! You won’t find the love of your life by waiting for them in the produce aisle at the grocery store, or by hoping they’ll sit next to you on the subway. So, it’s time to reevaluate your tactics! You have to approach your dating life like a job search. Sure, there’s something to be said for luck, but if you have a strategic plan, something will come through faster. Here’s some advice
Remember this: Alot of folks are too embarrassed to ask for help finding love, but don’t be. It’s like someone saying “I'm unemployed, but too embarrassed to find a job.” Think of all the people in your life as possible networking opportunities.
*Get online. One-fourth of the people who got married last year met online. So, if you don’t already have a profile with a reputable dating site - make one. Use Twitter. Send out a tweet to your friends and invite them to appetizers Friday after work at your favorite restaurant – and tell them to bring friends. Also, make sure the people you’re really interested in know by sending them an informal, direct message, such as, “Having a tweet-up Friday night at El Torito. Hope you can make it!”
*Don’t forget about Facebook! Take it seriously and treat your page like a dating profile. If a guy sees a bad photo of you on Facebook, or weird interests, he may not give you a chance. So, pick five words that represent you and make sure your Facebook profile reflects those five words. Then, once you’re satisfied with your profile, cruise around your friends’ Facebook pages and find 50 people you find interesting – and “friend” them. You’ve got nothing to lose, and you already have a friend in common. Instant conversation starter!

Post - Fri Feb 11 01:45:50 IST 2011

2011-02-10T08:05:00.001-06:00

Tips for Finding Love

Couples Who Share Housework Have Better Relationships

2010-05-21T23:33:00.003-05:00

Guys, if you want a happy marriage, roll up your sleeves and do the dishes! According to new research we found in Science Daily, couples who share housework have better relationships and are more satisfied with their lives. Researchers at The University of Western Ontario had couples track how much time each person spent doing chores. They also had each partner fill out a questionnaire that rated their satisfaction with their own lives, as well as with their marriages. The results?

Those who split chores down the middle reported the highest levels of happiness and overall fulfillment.
In old-school couples, where the wife does nearly all the housework, both the husband and the wife were very dissatisfied with their lives - their satisfaction scores were in the basement, and the contentment levels of the marriages weren’t far behind. In fact, studies show that when women do twice as much housework as their spouses, both partners have a greater risk of depression.

Despite all the evidence, it turns out that only about one in four couples come close to splitting household chores fifty-fifty. Why? Scott Stanley is co-director of the Center for Marital & Family Studies at the University of Denver. He believes that most couples ignore the issue until one of them feels overworked. By then, the focus isn’t on getting tasks accomplished - it’s about finger-pointing. Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband, agrees. He suggests having a neutral meeting to divvy up chores. That way, everyone will know what their responsibilities are before problems develop. To motivate the guys, let me leave them with this: According to marriage expert John Gottman, men who do their fair share of housework don’t just have happier marriages – their children have more friends and get better grades in school.

Tomorrow is the Night!

2010-03-30T13:45:00.002-05:00

Relationships are like anything else in life. There fun in the beginning, then it looses a little of the fire and then, if your not careful, it gets cold!
I honestly believe that SEX, yes I said it, Sex is the glue in a strong relationship. Relationships without it are just existing, not growing.
So here is my suggestion...
Plan this for tomorrow night or at least one night this week. Go to your underwear drawer, pick out something that you haven't worn in a while, something that you know he or she(and guys you need to do this too!) will love to see you wear. Then, BEFORE bedtime, unbutton and show him or her what you have on underneath. Just a little hint...when bedtime comes, give them a little show. Maybe just a wiggle when you strip down. Then the rest is ALL up to them! DO It!...Do It! Your relationship will thank you for it!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?????....Commit!

Rethink Your Dating Strategy

2010-03-17T07:45:00.003-05:00

You may be the smartest person in the room, but one relationship expert says, sometimes, the smartest people have the toughest time dating. If that’s you, it’s time to re-think your dating strategy! That’s according to Dr. Alex Benzer who wrote The Tao of Dating. Dr. Benzer says in order to find the right partner, you should take a close look at yourself. Here are a few things to think about:

First, remember love isn’t a contest! Dr. Benzer says smart people like to date other smart people. However, resist the urge to compete! Instead of trying to one-up each other when it comes to intelligence or ambition, celebrate the way you compliment each other. Don’t let competition ruin a good match! If someone always has be right, or win, that means the other has to be wrong, or lose. That doesn’t create romance.
You also want to leave the person you are at work, at work! No matter if you’re a CEO or a teacher, Dr. Benzer says people respect a partner who takes charge at the office, but who doesn’t have to be in control on a date.
If you want a meaningful relationship, make finding one as big a priority as the other things in your life. A lot of ambitious people end up alone – because they put all their focus into their job, but if you like someone, give them the same energy you give to your work.
As hokey as it sounds, Dr. Benzer suggests you BE the love you want to attract! If you’re full of joy and compassion, and make your date feel like a billion bucks, you’ll get that back. It’s like the tennis ball analogy we mention on this show – the way you hit a tennis ball against a wall is exactly how it’ll come back to you.
You have to go with your heart – not just your brain. Someone might have all the qualities you want in a partner: a great job, a good sense of humor, a good family - but Dr. Benzer says: if being with them doesn’t make you feel good, you’re probably with the wrong person.

Have Dinner With Your Kids

2010-03-08T10:59:00.003-06:00

Parents, want to improve your kids’ grades, their health, and stop them from trying cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs? Then skip the sit down talks and have sit down dinners instead. Here are three reasons to gather ‘round the table:Family meals make kids healthier. In a University of Minnesota study, teens who ate the most meals with their families while growing up turned into college students who ate the most fruits and vegetables. The same study showed that family meals drastically reduced the risk of kids developing an eating disorder.Your kids will be smarter. In a study done at Harvard University, younger children who ate with their parents had better vocabularies. Columbia University researchers found that high-schoolers who had dinner with their families got 40 percent more As and Bs than those who didn’t.Kids who eat with their parents are less likely to try alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Miriam Weinstein, the author of The Surprising Power of Family Meals, says that kids who don’t sit down to dinner with their family at least three times a week triple their risk of experimenting with alcohol, nicotine or drugs. If you’re thinking, “Good luck getting my kids to sit still for dinner,” check this out: In a national survey, eight out of 10 teens said they preferred eating with their parents.

Try "Loving Action" to Make Your Marriage Better

2010-02-24T07:21:00.003-06:00

Want to make your marriage better right now? You can - AND you can do it without involving your spouse! It’s called loving action and it’s the brainchild of couples’ therapist Susan Page. Here’s how to make it work for you:
Promise yourself you won’t make any negative, critical or demanding comments to your partner for one week. I’m not just talking about things like, “Pick up your wet towels for Pete’s sake!” I’m also talking about comments like, “Traffic was terrible today.” Since this exercise is your little secret, you may have to take care of things like picking up wet towels by yourself. But don’t get frustrated! What you’re doing is temporary and the positive effects will last a long time. Why? Because you’ll notice how many negative comments you make without even thinking about it. And once you cut those from your vocabulary - your mood and your mate’s mood will improve. You’ll feel closer and communicate more easily. Next thing you know, your sweetie will be doing things to make your day brighter - WITHOUT you having to ask!

The Roadmap to Forever

2010-02-24T07:14:00.002-06:00

We here at A Better Us.com is constantly searching for information to help our readers grow and strenghten their relationships. Many get off on the wrong foot from the beginning. Are you thinking about getting married? Are you moving in with the person you love? Do you want to give your relationship a leg up? Every one knows that communication is key to a good relationship. The problem is we often don’t talk about all the right things, especially in the beginning. The Roadmap to Forever is a guide to that all-important conversation. It raises the issues research shows couples should, but often fail, to discuss. The Roadmap to Forever not only helps you start that conversation but also helps establish a pattern of continued communication you can use throughout your relationship.

Truths About Love That Can Improve Your Relationship

2010-02-23T07:59:00.002-06:00

Ladies – here are a few truths about love that can help your relationship grow and improve over time. This comes from dating coach Dr. Jennifer Oikle, and MSN:

First, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. Oikle says when you’re with your significant other, you’re not thinking about them, you’re in the moment. However, when you’re apart, you miss each other and look forward to seeing each other, which helps rekindle the flames.
If a man says he’s not ready for a relationship, take his word for it. Our dating coach says that men don’t like to disappoint women. So, when a man says he doesn’t want to get involved, that means he doesn’t want to get involved. She also points out that a man who’s not interested in a relationship isn’t going to change his mind once he gets to know you a little better. In fact, if you stick around, he’ll assume you’re okay with a casual, nonexclusive relationship, and it’ll never go any farther than that.
If a man’s “too busy” to be with you, he’s getting ready to break up. These days, with emailing, texting, cell phones, and Facebook, if you don’t hear from a man for a day or two, it’s a sign he’s not fully invested in your relationship. In fact, experts say that when a man gets ready to say goodbye, he creates distance – hoping to cushion the blow. If he’s into you, he’ll never be too busy to hang out.
One final truth about relationships: He wants to feel like he’s taking care of you. Family and couples therapist Dr. Allen Berger says that a lot of men don’t feel masculine or worthwhile unless they’re “of value” to the person they love. They feel most valuable when they’re doing things for that person. So, even if you’re an independent woman who can take care of yourself and support yourself, you can improve your relationship by letting the man in your life take the lead once in awhile, even if it’s something as simple as paying for dinner.

If Your Marriage Is in Trouble, Seek a Marriage Counselor

2010-02-16T07:44:00.001-06:00

There's a website that caters to married people looking to have a fling with other married people. According to MSNBC, the website ignited a firestorm when their commercial was banned from this year’s Super Bowl broadcast – even though it aired locally in Texas. The ad showed a husband ignoring his wife at a restaurant. She started eyeing another man across the room, and a voiceover said, “Maybe it’s time.” Last July, the company scandalized visitors to Times Square in New York City with a billboard that basically said, “Life is short. Have a fling!” Complaints poured in, and the billboard was removed three days later.

Noel Biderman – who runs the website – claims they’re just filling a need that already exists. After all, cheating spouses have always been able to find someone at work, at a bar, or at a convention. They’re just making it easier and more convenient. Biderman also claims that they’re doing good work by helping women and men escape bad marriages, and improve their self-esteem. However, experts say that’s hogwash. Sociology professor Pepper Schwartz says that couples have cheated since marriage was invented, and they don’t need a website to do it. She also points out that a true boost in self-esteem doesn’t come from one date, or doing something unethical. It comes from long-term commitment, deep love, and appreciation. It seems a lot of people are getting the message. Websites that help married people meet each other are losing money and clients, and are slowly starting to go out of business.

Abviously this is something missing in your marriage if your thinking of cheating. So, if you’re married and thinking about looking for love on the Internet, start by looking for a marriage counselor instead.

4 steps for making sure your marriage gets better instead of worse

2010-02-08T10:16:00.002-06:00

For better or for worse, your marriage is constantly changing! But successful couples stay close no matter what happens - and that’s no accident. It takes planning and effort... That’s why I have these 4 steps for making sure your marriage gets better instead of worse:

1st step: Make your marriage the priority. Between kids and work, it’s easy to get so busy that you put your marriage on hold - but it should be the center of everything you do. When it suffers, so does everything else. Spending time with your spouse is the most important job you have to do each day.

2nd step: Try new things as a couple. Remember when you were getting to know each other and everything was new? Get that feeling back! You don’t have to take up sky-diving. Try cooking a meal you’ve never cooked before. As long as it’s new, and you’re doing it together, you’ll be giving your marriage what it needs to thrive.

3rd step: Hang onto something from your single life. Many marriages run into trouble because people believe they have to do EVERYTHING as a couple. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in each other that you drop off the office softball team or miss movie night with your single friends. But eventually, that breeds resentment. So keep doing the things you love to do on your own.

And the last step to a successful marriage: Ask your spouse for advice! If you find yourself with problems you don’t feel you can share with your partner - you’re in trouble. Being able to talk things out is the foundation of a great marriage. And this is especially true for men. According to marriage expert John Gottmann, the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT predictor of marital success is a husband’s willingness to listen to his wife.

So to review – the 4 things you need for solid marriage are: Making the marriage a priority, trying new things as a couple, hanging on to the interests you had when you were single, and being able to talk things through with your spouse.

Couples Who Share Housework Have Better Relationships

2010-01-27T10:02:00.002-06:00

Guys, if you want a happy marriage, roll up your sleeves and do the dishes! According to new research we found in Science Daily, couples who share housework have better relationships and are more satisfied with their lives. Researchers at The University of Western Ontario had couples track how much time each person spent doing chores. They also had each partner fill out a questionnaire that rated their satisfaction with their own lives, as well as with their marriages. The results?

Those who split chores down the middle reported the highest levels of happiness and overall fulfillment.
In old-school couples, where the wife does nearly all the housework, both the husband and the wife were very dissatisfied with their lives - their satisfaction scores were in the basement, and the contentment levels of the marriages weren’t far behind. In fact, studies show that when women do twice as much housework as their spouses, both partners have a greater risk of depression.

Despite all the evidence, it turns out that only about one in four couples come close to splitting household chores fifty-fifty. Why? Scott Stanley is co-director of the Center for Marital & Family Studies at the University of Denver. He believes that most couples ignore the issue until one of them feels overworked. By then, the focus isn’t on getting tasks accomplished - it’s about finger-pointing. Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband, agrees. He suggests having a neutral meeting to divvy up chores. That way, everyone will know what their responsibilities are before problems develop. To motivate the guys, let me leave them with this: According to marriage expert John Gottman, men who do their fair share of housework don’t just have happier marriages – their children have more friends and get better grades in school.

Couples who love each other like crazy sometimes fight like crazy, too.

2010-01-20T07:37:00.001-06:00

According to the Smalley Relationship Center, everyone is afraid of one thing. And it’s either that the person they love will leave, or they won’t be in control anymore. Here’s how to figure out what you and your partner are afraid of, and stop those fights for good.

If you’re both afraid of not being loved, the minute someone wants to do something alone, it’s seen as total rejection. How do you get past it? Do what you both love to do – but separately. It’ll give you new things to talk about, and make other separations seem less threatening.
When both of you like being in control, you both also hate being controlled by someone else. The minute one person tries to take over, the other one gets mad. So, learn to be more flexible. Find projects you can do together where neither one is in charge, like volunteering for a charity. The more you work toward a common goal, the closer you’ll feel.
The final problem that causes the most fights in a relationship is – one of you is afraid of not being in control, the other fears losing your love. Sometimes he feels left out when you make decisions without him. But when he complains, you feel crowded. What’s the solution? According to the Smalley Relationship Center, hang up a calendar and write down all the plans you make. That way, he’ll feel included, and you won’t feel like he’s trying to control you.

Love

2010-01-13T07:58:00.001-06:00

Love is life's most intense emotion and sometimes, you may wonder about whether love is controlled by the heart or the feeling itself is in your mind and soul! Just think about what how much love is vital in your relationship. Any relationship in the world, be it between a couple, siblings or friends, would be incomplete if there was no love in it. A better way to explain is...We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

abetterus.com

What makes a good relationship?

2010-01-12T09:52:00.002-06:00

It varies from one person to another, but most people would probably agree that respect, companionship, mutual emotional support, sexual expression, economic security and, often, childrearing, are all important parts of an adult relationship.
Open communication between couples is essential. All good relationships are based on people respecting each other and being able to communicate clearly. Stay friends by finding activities you both enjoy doing together.

Oil Them Up!

2010-01-10T15:31:00.002-06:00

O.K.....I admit that is an odd title for a blog or article, but it did get your attention!
One of my favorite things is during the summer ,while at the beach , my wife says "honey, could you put lotion on my back for me?".
Winter is here along with bitter, dry, cold tempertures. Along with winter comes dry skin.
Guess what my wife ask me to do the other night? You guessed it!
So, as a reminder to all you folks like me who often times forget to enjoy the smallest of pleasures. Savor every minute of every one!

A Better Us.com

You Should Be Grateful For Your Kids

2010-01-08T07:44:00.001-06:00

Right now, I have something for every parent. They may drive us crazy sometimes, but Thanksgiving is a time to remember why we are grateful for our kids. Woman’s Day parenting contributor Paula Spencer has put it into perspective for us. Here’s what she says we should be giving thanks for this year.

Thanks for the hard questions, even the embarrassing ones. Children keep your mind working. They make us pros at coming up with clever come-backs to questions like, “Why is that lady’s head so big?” “Ummm, because she has a lot of brains, son.” What parent hasn’t had to summon their high school science lessons to explain why the sky is blue, or whether tomatoes are a fruit or a vegetable? We’re always exercising our brains just to keep up.
Thanks for taking 10 minutes to put on shoes - when we should’ve been out the door 10 minutes ago. Watching a child get herself dressed, or slowly and methodically consume a single graham cracker, is a lesson in not just patience - but appreciation. These days, so many of us are constantly in rush-mode that we automatically get huffy when we have to wait, even when the 10 minutes don’t really matter. It’s good to be reminded to stop and smell the roses or taste the graham crackers.
Thanks for the empty bankbook: Diapers, daycare food, hightops, laptops, more food, prom dresses, and college. If you want to see your money grow, just take a look at your kids as they grow. There’s no better investment than children. What they eventually give to society is a reflection of what you’ve given to them. What’s more - Spencer says it’s even better than winning the lottery when they go on to look out for us in our old age.

The Benefits of Commitment

2010-01-07T09:04:00.002-06:00

Making a commitment to someone means closing the door on other competing possibilities. In other words, no more fishing in the sea for another partner…While this can be a joy, many people also find it very scary.

In our society, we talk a lot about independence and freedom. And while these things are so important in our lives, we often confuse freedom with being uncommitted or unfettered. But commitment to your spouse is well worth it.

Commitment can help you get over a rough patch. All people and all marriages have rough patches. But knowing that neither one of you is going to walk away can give you the time and space to work through a difficult time. It also gives your marriage a chance to grow and mature.

The vulnerability that is allowed through commitment can lead to great personal growth. If you know that you aren't going to just be tossed aside by your partner then you have the freedom to be vulnerable and to reveal your real self. This not only brings the opportunity for that self growth, but it can also strengthen your marriage. You can move forward in new endeavors with confidence, knowing that your built in support system will be there to support you.

Having a strong marital commitment means that you can commit to other things in life such as children, a home, a business or a passionate cause is often easier when you have the experience and the support of a commitment to a spouse.

25 Inexpensive but Fun Ways to Spend Together Time with Your Spouse.

2010-01-07T07:58:00.004-06:00

No matter how busy life is, I can't stress how important it is to maintain your relationship and make sure you keep a regular date night or time together without family. So here are 25 ideas, most of which won't cost the earth:

1. Fire up the skillet or the grill and cook a meal--go all out with wine candles romantic music.
2. Make a picnic and\picnic just the two of you in the lounge room or the bedroom.
3. Take up a sport together. It doesn't matter what the sport is so long as you both enjoy it.
4. Go to a production by a local theatre group. Many of them are excellent and usually inexpensive
5. Go fishing toether.
6. Make a CD together.
7. Go to an art exhibition and then have a coffee and talk about the paintings you liked.
8.Depending on the weather, head to an indoor or outdoor ice-skating rink — it's the perfect excuse to hold hands and cozy up to each other to keep warm.
9. Settle down in a comfy spot with maybe a glass of wine or port for a good long chat.
10. Join a community group together, either as a volunteer for some charity or join a community class where you will learn a new skill.
11. Draw each other. If you draw as badly as I do, it might produce some hilarious results.
12. Make your own chocolate fondue and eat it together.
13. Work on a photo album or photo collage together.
14. Spend the day hiking and taking pictures together.
15. Sign up for a short course in Latin dancing or ballroom dancing.
16. Go parking just like when you were dating.
17. Depending on the weather go for a moonlight swim.
18. Play X box, WII, table tennis or pool.
19. Take a late night drive to a secluded beach and walk along the sand hand in hand.
20. Settle in for a night of pampering: Use your empty wallets as an excuse to stay in. Run a bubble bath and then treat each other to full-body massages.
21. Cook a favorite cake together.
22. Make your own picnic and take it to the beach or a park.
23. Go to a movie. Go for coffee afterwards and talk about the movie.
24. Cuddle up together with a DVD and some popcorn.
25. Get spooked at a haunted house. Start off the night by watching a scary movie before you go.

The main point is that you have fun spending time together and keep the lines of communication open.

Increase The Amount of Happiness In Your Life

2010-01-06T07:58:00.001-06:00

How can you increase the amount of happiness you feel in your life, every day? By following a few simple guidelines we got from the folks at Prevention magazine.
• For starters: Strive for small changes rather than big ones. Research shows that even major life events, such as winning the lottery, hardly affect people’s overall sense of satisfaction. So think smaller. Daniel Mochon is a psychologist at Yale University, and he says the little things we do daily – like exercising or attending religious services – have a major impact on our happiness. In one study, he found that people leaving religious services felt happier than those going in. The more regularly they attended, the happier they felt overall. The same is true for exercise. People not only feel happier after exercising, they also get a bigger boost the more often they do it.
• Next: From work, to health, to relationships – we have choices about where we concentrate our attention. So, when bad weather makes your commute to the office impossible, do you choose to focus on how behind you’ll be tomorrow – or on the eight-hour gift you’ve just been given? Winifred Gallagher is the author of Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life. She says the answers to questions like this have a big influence on our well-being. Studies show that focusing on positive emotions – like curiosity instead of fear, and compassion instead of anger – broadens your mind and keeps negative feelings at bay, which is better for your cardiovascular system. In general, optimistic people have fewer health problems and live longer than pessimists.

On This Day:

2010-01-06T07:57:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, January 6, 2010: Today is Twelfth Day, known also as Old Christmas Day and Twelfthtide. On the 12th day after Christmas, Christians celebrate the visit of the Magi, the first gentile recognition of Christ.
On this day in 1838, Samuel Morse’s telegraph system was demonstrated for the first time at the Speedwell Iron Works in Morristown, New Jersey. The telegraph, a device which used electric impulses to transmit encoded messages over a wire, would eventually revolutionize long-distance communication, reaching the height of its popularity in the 1920s and 1930s.
On this day in 1942 A Pan American Airways plane arrived in New York which completed the first around-the-world trip by a commercial aircraft.

Did You Know?
Did you know that by walking an extra 20 minutes every day, the average person will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year?

"Love Laws" for The Dating World

2010-01-04T07:49:00.001-06:00

Ladies, are you jumping back into the dating pool? Then I’ve got a few “Love Laws” for you: Rock-solid truths about men and becoming a couple that’ll help you avoid a lot of drama and mental anguish. This comes from the experts at Condé Nast Publications.

Law #1: If a guy you meet doesn’t call you in a week, he’s not interested. You may think he’s just busy, or lost your number, but don’t kid yourself. Clinical psychologist Judith Shervan says it doesn’t matter how busy he is. If he’s interested, he’ll find five minutes to call. Bottom line: If he leaves you hanging for more than three days, take that as a definite sign he’s not interested, and move on.
The next law of love: By date number three, you may start to notice his flaws, but that’s not a bad thing! Dr. James Aniechowski is the coauthor of Be Loved for Who You Really Are. He says noticing flaws – like the fact that he wears the same jeans every day - means you’re subconsciously evaluating him as a long-term partner, and working through your nerves about your future together. So, instead of thinking, “Can I live with someone who’s a football freak?” Think, “Am I ready for a long-term commitment?”
The third law of love: No man wants to be your best friend. Michael Gurian, the author of How a Man’s Mind Really Works, says men like a little mystery. They tend to get overwhelmed if you share too much information. In other words, he doesn’t want to hear the play-by-play of your average workday. Or listen to an analysis of the fight you just had with your mother. Instead, stick with topics that relate to your life together, like, “What are we doing for dinner?” Or, “What do you want to save money for, a house or a vacation?”
The final law of love: You’ll discover something that proves Mr. Right isn’t perfect. Like, he was briefly married at 18. Or he earned a GED instead of graduating from high school. Dr. Kate Wachs is the author of Relationships for Dummies. She says not to make a big deal out of something that isn’t an issue anymore. Bottom line: Do you love him because he’s sweet, hilarious, and talented – or because you thought he’d never been married before?

Share the Romance

2009-12-31T19:21:00.001-06:00

Children and romance don't mix. Most people think that way. Yet, as
parents, we love our children very much. So why can't a romantic
gesture include the whole family? Well, the answer is it can.
A simple example of how this can be accomplished. Purchase a dozen
roses. Give one or two to each child. Then have each child deliver
their flowers and say somehting like "I know who mommy's boyfriend
is". Send each child individually and wait a few minutes in between.
Then lastly deliver the rest of the flowers yourself.

Have Dinner With Your Kids

2009-12-23T07:26:00.003-06:00

Parents, want to improve your kids’ grades, their health, and stop them from trying cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs? Then skip the sit down talks and have sit down dinners instead. Here are three reasons to gather ‘round the table:
Family meals make kids healthier. In a University of Minnesota study, teens who ate the most meals with their families while growing up turned into college students who ate the most fruits and vegetables. The same study showed that family meals drastically reduced the risk of kids developing an eating disorder.
Your kids will be smarter. In a study done at Harvard University, younger children who ate with their parents had better vocabularies. Columbia University researchers found that high-schoolers who had dinner with their families got 40 percent more As and Bs than those who didn’t.
Kids who eat with their parents are less likely to try alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Miriam Weinstein, the author of The Surprising Power of Family Meals, says that kids who don’t sit down to dinner with their family at least three times a week triple their risk of experimenting with alcohol, nicotine or drugs. If you’re thinking, “Good luck getting my kids to sit still for dinner,” check this out: In a national survey, eight out of 10 teens said they preferred eating with their parents.

On This Day

2009-12-23T07:20:00.002-06:00

Wednesday, December 23, 2009:
On this day in 1888, Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh, suffering from severe depression, cut off the lower part of his left ear with a razor while staying in Arles, France. He later documented the event in a painting titled Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear.

On this day in 1913 the U.S. Congress passed the Federal Reserve Act, which established a Federal Reserve Board with power over monetary policy and created the nation’s first central banking system since the 1830s.

On this day in 1975 the Congress of the U.S. passed the Metric Conversion Act. This act declared that the SI (International System of Units) will be this country’s basic system of measurement and established the United States Metric Board, which is responsible for the planning, and coordination of the nation’s voluntary conversion to SI.

Did You Know?
Did you know that the biggest selling Christmas single of all time is Bing Crosby's "White Christmas"?

5 Minutes to a Better Marriage

2009-12-22T11:48:00.003-06:00

Cuddle at the most important time of the day. Most couples fit their cuddles in at the end of the day, but cuddling in the morning is even more rewarding. Why? The physical contact will keep you feeling close to each other all day. So go ahead and set the alarm five minutes early, then snuggle. You can talk, but you don’t have to. The most important part is that you’re holding each other. It’ll help you both start the day feeling loved, and you’ll feel that way all day long.

Ask each other one simple question before you head out the door. For example… Anything special going on today? Talking about the daily details of our lives is just as important to couples as sharing hopes, dreams and fears with each other. The nitty-gritty details determine a lot of how we act and feel on any given day, so asking about them is a great way to build understanding. Then, when you’re together again at the end of the day, ask how that special something—that meeting, phone call to an important client or lunch with a friend went. The results? You’ll feel connected.

Share what you like about each other. If there’s something you appreciate about your spouse, from parenting skills to the way he/she painted the house last month, speak up! Sprinkling five minutes of praise throughout each other’s day is so important for couples. If you start, you’ll enjoy the same treatment from your partner. How does praise work? It reminds people that their spouse loves them. And knowing they’re loved "makes people more willing to iron out differences". ...read more!

Jealousy

2009-12-18T08:06:00.000-06:00

Relationships can be hard to maintain on a healthy level with all the stress of daily life. Why add more stress by adding jealousy into the mix? Jealousy is a waste of energy and time and can even drive your partner toward infidelity. Let's face it, jealousy spawns from only a few reasons. Lack of trust, low self confidence, or you have the hottest guy/gal within 100 miles and don't want anyone to take them away. With that said, no matter how hard you try, how closely you follow their every move, no matter how insanely JEALOUS you become, you cannot stop your partner from straying, if they are determined to do so, like it or not! What can you do you ask? You can be yourself, trust them, until proven otherwise, and direct your attention to making your relationship as refreshing and new as possible. Take pride in the fact that your guy or gal is attractive and appealing enough that other people take interest in them and remind your partner that your still crazy about him or her. In a nutshell, Jealousy is a waste of time!

Want to get closer to the one you love?

2009-12-17T07:37:00.004-06:00

Here’s how, according to married psychologists John and Julie Gottman. They’ve been studying relationships for so long that 96% of the time, they can predict how healthy a couple’s relationship is by observing them have a three minute conversation. So here are their strategies for connecting.

Be less direct. Now, that doesn’t mean to stifle your feelings, just soften them. The way you start conversations has a big effect on the overall quality of your relationship. If you launch into something with criticisms, contempt or harsh words, it makes your partner withdraw or become defensive. So the next time you need to bring something up, instead of attacking them with “I’m sick of going out with your buddies every weekend!” Try, “I feel like spending time alone together. How ‘bout we have a dinner and movie date on Saturday night?” You partner is more likely to hear what you’re trying to say.
Next, it’s okay to get angry. Anger can spur you to make positive changes. If you hold it in, it’ll build up until you get so resentful that you explode. But anger is not name calling, blaming, or digging up past issues. No one’s going to listen if they feel they’re being criticized or attacked. You need to share responsibility for the problem. Focus on what’s happening now, and focus on the actions that are upsetting you, not the person. Here’s an example: Instead of “You waste all our money and that’s why we can never afford a vacation!” Try, “We should work on a budget so we can afford a vacation. We haven’t been away in 2 years.” Another example: Don’t say, “You haven’t cooked one meal since we’ve been together! Don’t you know how hard it is for me to do everything!” That’s bringing up the past. Instead say, “You said you’d get dinner started but you’re still watching TV.”

On This Day:

2009-12-17T07:35:00.001-06:00

Thursday, December 17, 2009: On this day in 1903 Orville and Wilbur Wright, after three years of experimentation with kites and gliders, achieved the first documented successful powered and controlled flights of an airplane. The flights, near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina piloted first by Orville then by Wilbur Wright, were sustained for less than one minute but represented man’s first powered airplane flight, and the beginning of a new form of transportation.

On this day in 1843, Charles Dickens’ "A Christmas Carol" was published. This holiday classic was published in a print run of 6,000 copies that sold out in one week. By January 6, 1844 another 2,000 copies were sold.

On this day in 1963 the US Congress passed the Clean Air Act, a sweeping set of laws passed to protect the nation from air pollution. This was the first legislation to place pollution controls on the automobile industry.

Did You Know?
Did you know the horse's name in the song Jingle Bells is Bobtail?

Compliment Your Man

2009-12-16T13:41:00.003-06:00

From the time we are ready to date, men hear the same message.

Complement her, be romantic, listen to her, more complements, whisper in her ear, more complements. This is all great, well and good and needed to keep our relationships strong. But, what about the men? Many times, as men age and relationships progress, men need a few complements themselves. Perhaps it’s our own fault. We try so hard to be tough, manly and in control. We don’t want to appear soft or in need of such complements. But, more often than not, we need to have our ego’s stroked through complements. Especially as we age, we want to think we still look young, we’re still attractive, we want to think "WE STILL GOT IT"!

I’m not suggesting every guy wants to be bombarded by sweet nothings, but every once in a while, and with the right timing, complements can do us wonders. Here are a few things a woman can say that will really do the trick:

http://www.abetterus.com/YouMeUs/ComplimentYourMan/tabid/104/Default.aspx

Keep Your Marriage Strong During a Layoff

2009-12-16T07:31:00.003-06:00

Over 2.6 million people lost their jobs last year, and the number of married couples affected by job loss has risen to heights not seen since the early 1990s. So, if you or your spouse is unintentionally unemployed, don’t be surprised if your relationship hits a rocky patch. Thierry Guedj, a workplace psychology expert, says that job loss puts a huge financial and emotional strain on a relationship, and even the best marriages are being tested by the recent recession and mass layoffs. In fact, studies show that couples with one partner out of a job are more likely to get divorced within a year. So, here are tips to help you and your marriage survive a financial crisis, courtesy of MSNBC:

Recognize that the tension in your relationship is coming from your money woes, not personality issues. That way, it’ll be easier to deal with.
Then, sit down and calmly discuss what your assets are, and what you owe. Come up with a financial plan to deal with the loss of income – say, canceling the family vacation, selling a car, or borrowing money from your parents.
Brainstorm together to find ways to get another job, like working as a temp in your industry. Or take classes to update your skills. Doing anything constructive will improve your frame of mind.
Also, don’t play the blame game. Instead, be supportive of your spouse’s efforts. In other words, don’t ask over and over if they made phone calls or sent out résumés. That’s nagging. Instead, be their #1 supporter, and say things like, “If you keep at it, it’ll pay off” and “Someone’s going to be lucky to hire you!”
Finally, come up with two action plans. One where you’re able to find a new job within a few months, the other for a worst-case scenario. Say, if you don’t find work within 10 months, you’ll relocate to a more affordable place and start over. Experts say that having a “Plan B” helps you stay focused and gives you instant alternatives if life doesn’t happen according to “Plan A.”

On This Day:

2009-12-16T07:19:00.001-06:00

Wednesday, December 16, 2009: Today, Posadas is celebrated throughout Mexico. Posadas is a nine-day annual celebration with a procession of “pilgrims” who knock on doors asking for posada (shelter). This commemorates the search by Joseph and Mary for a shelter in which the infant Jesus might be born. When pilgrims come inside, the fun and merrymaking ensue with blindfolded guests who try to break a piñata filled with gifts and goodies suspended from the ceiling. Once the piñata breaks, the celebration continues.

Today is the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. Bostonians emptied the hold of three tea-bearing British ships in the Boston Harbor to protest the British tax on tea imported to the colonies.

On this day in 1944 the Battle of the Bulge began as the Germans advanced into Belgium and Luxembourg.

Did You Know?
Did you know artificial Christmas trees have outsold real ones since 1991?

Use Gratitude Each Day to Improve Your Life

2009-12-15T07:15:00.003-06:00

Use Gratitude Each Day to Improve Your Life

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a once a year deal. You can use the “Thanksgiving Effect” to feel happier year-round. Study after study proves that saying “thanks” regularly can have the same mood boosting benefits as prescription medication – without the negative side effects. In fact, gratitude is so powerful there’s a whole field of research dedicated to it. Dr. Robert Emmons is a leader in the field and the author of The Psychology of Gratitude. He says being grateful increases your chances of being successful in work, love and life. So, here’s how to use gratitude everyday.

The next time you have a small setback – like a fight with a friend/spouse or a stressful assignment from the boss – jot a note to a friend, spouse, kids or relative thanking them for doing something that made you happy. People who do that automatically feel stronger in the face of adversity.
If a friend does you a favor – don’t say “I owe you one.” Being indebted to someone increases feelings of stress. Instead, just say thanks. Data from the Institute of Heart Math shows that people who regularly feel appreciation toward others have healthier heartbeats.
Writing in a gratitude journal is another way to add years to your life, but it doesn’t have to be a huge commitment. People who list the things they’re thankful for only once a week get the same benefits as those who write daily.
You can even use gratitude to reduce your stress on the way to work. People who are stressed out and unhappy at work are more susceptible to heart attack and stroke. You can squash all those negative effects on the way in. No matter how late you’re running, do a gratitude exercise. Focus on everything that’s gone right. The dog did his business outside – your wife looked pretty as she kissed you goodbye – kids made good grades at school - or even that the traffic isn’t at a standstill. Thinking those thoughts will immediately boost your enthusiasm, alertness and energy – and reduce your blood pressure and stress.

On This Day

2009-12-14T08:11:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, December 15, 2009: On this day in 1791 the first 10 amendments to the US Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights, became effective following the ratification by Virginia. The anniversary of ratification and of effect is observed as the Bill of Rights Day.

Today is “Cat Herders Day.” If you can say that your job - or even you life - is like trying to herd cats, then his day is for you - with our sympathy.

On this day in 2001, Italy’s Leaning Tower of Pisa reopened after a team of experts spent 11 years and $27 million to fortify the tower without eliminating its famous lean.

Did You Know?
Did you know that there are no purple bulbs on a string of Christmas lights? This is because studies show purple is one of the least popular colors among consumers.

On This Day:

2009-12-12T07:18:00.000-06:00

Friday, December 11, 2009: Today is the United Nations “International Mountain Day.” With mountains covering one-quarter of the Earth’s land surface and home to 12% of the world’s population, mountain people are affected by conflict out of all proportion to their numbers and the land they occupy.
http://www.mountainpartnership.org/

On this day in 1946 the United Nations established the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) which provided relief and support to children living in countries devastated by war.

On this day in 1898 the Treaty of Paris was signed in France, which formally ended the Spanish-American war and granted the United States its first overseas empire.

Did You Know?
Did you know that 56% of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets?

Here are The Facts on These Random Statistics.

2009-12-11T07:07:00.000-06:00

Tell me if you’ve heard these statistics:

95% of diets fail.
A 40 year old woman is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to get married.
Or how about this one: Half of all married couples will divorce.
But are these statistics we’ve heard for so long still true? Here’s the real deal from Oprah’s “O” magazine.

We’ll start with the 95% of diets fail. Here’s the truth: 20% of dieters succeed at long-term weight loss. So what’s changed? Well, a lot – because that original statistic came from a study done 45 years ago. And it was wrong to begin with! It came from a 1959 study that found, out of 100 obese patients on diets, 98 percent failed to lose weight or keep it off after two years. The author of the original study, Dr. Albert Stunkard, says he’s shocked that people are still using his old data. The more recent and correct information – the 20% success rate of dieters – was done by researchers at the National Weight Control Registry, and they studied more than 5-thousand diets. So keep that information in mind and aim to become one of the 20%.
Let’s move on to women over 40 being more likely to be shot by a terrorist than to get married. Wrong! Here’s the real deal: A 40 year old woman has a 40% chance of finding a husband. The original information came from a study done 20 years ago by Harvard and Yale and it made big, splashy headlines on the cover of Newsweek. And back then, the chances of getting shot by a terrorist were slim to none. Today, thanks to second marriages, people marrying later in life, and having children later in life, a never-been-married 40 year old has a 40% chance of tying the knot.
And finally, how about this: Half of all married couples will end up divorced. Unfortunately, it’s still true. However, if a couple is over the age of 25 when they marry, and if they wait at least 7 months after the wedding to have their first child, their chance of divorce drops dramatically. In fact, it’s cut in half!

On This Day:

2009-12-11T06:53:00.001-06:00

The power of two.

2009-12-10T07:32:00.002-06:00

It's one of the great things about being in a committed relationship. When there's dry cleaning to pick up, groceries to buy, a dog to walk, a UPS truck that's expected, a lawn that needs mowing, a kid with a tummy ache, windows to wash, and dinner to prepare, having someone share the load makes life a lot easier.How much easier it is to deal with turbulent times when there's somebody on your side who believes in you, gently nudges you forward, cheers you on, and has pride in your accomplishments.
Is there a time in your relationship when your sweetheart made a difference in your life? If so, then remember this: When your sweetheart is cranky and irritable, or scared and insecure, or for whatever reason is less than the cheerful, high-on-life love bug you've come to know, you've got an opportunity to return the favor. Take a deep breath, avoid knee jerk reactions, and be a supportive partner whether the situation is monumental or nothing more than irritation at having gotten a speeding ticket. Being a supportive partner sometimes means sitting silently while your sweetheart vents. Sometimes it means encouragement to offset insecurity. Sometimes it means being brave even when you, too, are afraid. And sometimes it just means loving your partner through his or her bad behavior.

Banish the Boredom From Your Marriage

2009-12-10T07:28:00.000-06:00

Want to strengthen your marriage? Then banish everyday boredom by doing new and interesting things together on a regular basis. Why? Because studies show that dull days that feel like you’re in a rut can kill a marriage faster than fighting.

According to MSNBC, researchers at State University of New York found that bored couples are significantly more likely to get divorced than couples who still find each other entertaining after many years of marriage. The 16-year study also found that shared challenges and exciting diversions are what make relationships simmer long after you say “I do.” In another study at Rutgers University, researchers gave MRIs to couples who were newly in love – as well as those who claimed they were still madly in love after 20 years of marriage. The result? When both types of couples looked at pictures of their spouses, the same parts of the brain lit up, the part linked to feelings of reward, excitement and satisfaction.

So, how can you battle boredom? Marriage counselor Dr. Barbara Bartlik says not to blame it on your partner. Instead, make yourself more exciting and interesting, whether you find a new hobby, take up a sport, or attend classes at the local university. Better yet, try to find something you’re both passionate about that you can share. Dr. Bartlik says that sharing novel and thrilling experiences with your partner creates brain chemistry similar to that “falling-in-love” feeling. Doing something a little scary – like riding a rollercoaster, hang gliding or bungee jumping – will give you a surge of adrenaline that’ll help you bond even more. If you’re not a daredevil, not to worry. Doing anything novel will do. For example, ride bicycles together after dark instead of during the day, stop for dinner someplace you’ve never been, or be completely spontaneous, and jump on a train or a bus without deciding where you’re going to get off.

On This Day:

2009-12-10T07:22:00.000-06:00

On This Day:
Thursday, December 10, 2009: Today marks the beginning of “Human Rights Week,” and today was officially declared “Human Rights Day” by the United Nations. It marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in 1948 which sets forth basic rights and fundamental freedoms to which all men and women in the world are entitled to.
http://www.un.org/

It is also the annual Nobel Prize awards ceremonies which are held in Norway and Sweden. Alfred Nobel, Swedish chemist and inventor of dynamite who died in 1896, provided in his will that income from his $9 million estate should be used for annual prizes-to be awarded to people who are judged to have made the most valuable contributions to the good of humanity.

On this day in 1869 Wyoming becomes the first state to adopt woman suffrage.

Did You Know?
Did you know the popular holiday song "Jingle Bells" was actually written for Thanksgiving? The song was composed in 1857 by James Pierpont, and was originally called "One Horse Open Sleigh."

Are You Thinking About Having Kids?

2009-12-09T10:21:00.001-06:00

Parents, we need to talk about your marital relationship. Over the last two decades, 25 separate studies have found that marital happiness tends to drop after a child comes into the picture and the strain of raising children is a major reason why many couples file for divorce. Fortunately, there’s a new study we want to share with you. The study comes from two sociologists at the University of California at Berkeley - Philip and Carolyn Cowan. They found that the couples who had the most troubled marriages after kids came on the scene were the ones who quote “slid” into parenthood. They weren’t expecting to conceive, didn’t feel ready for kids, or one partner wanted them – the other wasn’t sure, but gave in for the sake of the relationship. However, when both partners wanted kids – and they were planned for – marital happiness grew afterward. However, for the couples in trouble, or ones thinking about having kids, here are two myths you need to know the truth about:

Myth #1: Having children will solve your marital problems. The reality is that children can magnify problems. That’s why it’s vital to feel stable in your marriage before you think about starting a family.
Myth #2: Traditional gender roles are best after the kids are born. As in, ‘Mom should stay home while Dad works.’ The truth is: That’s one of the biggest factors in marital dissatisfaction. The Cowans found that when couples had kids – and the wife stopped working – both partners became discontent. The wife typically became resentful that the husband wasn’t involved in child care and the husband often resented his wife for having to be the sole breadwinner.

So what’s the solution? Psychologist Joshua Coleman says married couples need to make each other happy before they think about making a child happy. Because kids are happier and do better socially and academically when their parents are happy – even if that means the parents are spending less time with them. That’s a fact! So take advantage of in-laws and babysitters, and set aside time each week that doesn’t involve children. Psychologist Coleman puts it this way: The airline warning to put on your own oxygen mask before you place one on your child also holds true for marriage.

On This Day:

2009-12-09T10:18:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, December 9, 2009: On this day in 1992, 1,800 United States Marines arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia to spearhead a multinational force aimed at restoring order in the conflict-ridden country.

On this day in 2002 United Airlines filed for bankruptcy. This was the biggest bankruptcy in aviation history with United losing 4 billion dollars in the previous two years.

On this day in 1992 British Prime Minister John Major announced the formal separation of Charles, Prince of Wales and heir to the British throne, and his wife, Princess Diana. Major explained that the royal couple was separating “amicably.”

Did You Know?
Did you know that an artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees? A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck

Couples Are Saying "I Don't" to Expensive Weddings

2009-12-08T09:16:00.000-06:00

According to USA Today, the recession has caused many couples to plan less expensive weddings. A recent survey by wedding website The Knot found that 40 percent of brides have reduced their budgets. Since so many couples are trying to cut costs, they’re coming up with creative ways to make their wedding less expensive. For example, some people are renting jewelry for their wedding instead of buying it. Or making their own decorations with items they find at craft and thrift stores. Couples are also choosing to have their weddings on Fridays or Sundays – instead of Saturdays, which are often more expensive. When it comes to food, some couples are skipping the fancy catered meals and creating cheese and vegetables plates with the help of their local supermarket.

Other couples are saving money by putting their negotiating skills to good use. One bride mentioned in the article got quotes from five different florists, then took the lowest quote to her favorite shop and asked if they could help her. She ended up getting a price that was LESS than the quote she gave them. Wedding planner Jung Lee says she knows of wedding photographers who are cutting their fees in half just to get some jobs.

Couples are also trying to make their wedding less expensive for their guests, too – because they know times are tough. Brides and grooms are choosing to register at stores where there are plenty of low-price gift items – like Target and Wal-Mart. They’re also paying for rented bridesmaid dresses instead of making their bridesmaids buy dresses and pay for alterations on them – when they’ll never be worn again. Antonia van der Meer – who’s editor-in-chief of Modern Bride magazine – puts it this way: Today’s bride typically is the opposite of a bridezilla.

If you’re planning a wedding – and would like to save some money – don’t be afraid to haggle with the photographer or the florist. As long as you’re nice, it never hurts to ask for a lower price. If you’d like more inexpensive wedding ideas, check out myDIYweddingday.com. The “DIY” stands for “do-it-yourself.”

On This Day:

2009-12-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, December 8, 2009: On this day in 1941, one day after the surprise Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, Congress declared war against Japan and the US entered World War II.

On this day in 1980 deranged gunman Mark David Chapman shot and killed rock star John Lennon outside his apartment building as he returned home from a recording session. The death of the former Beatle, who was an international peace activist, shocked the world. His widow, Yoko Ono asked for 10 minutes of silence at 2 PM on the following Sunday, and many US and international radio stations observed it.

On this day in 1987 the former Soviet Union and the US signed a treaty in Washington eliminating medium-range and shorter-range missiles. This was the first treaty completely eliminating two entire classes of nuclear arms. These missiles, with a range of 500 to 5,500 kilometers, were to be scrapped under strict supervision within three years of signing.

Did You Know?
Did you know that before World War II, Twinkies used to have banana cream in them? Because of the battle at Pearl Harbor, the U.S. had a shortage of bananas and had to switch to plain vanilla. It's been that way ever since then.

4 steps for making sure your marriage gets better instead of worse.

2009-12-07T08:14:00.001-06:00

For better or for worse, your marriage is constantly changing! But successful couples stay close no matter what happens - and that’s no accident. It takes planning and effort…… That’s why I have these 4 steps for making sure your marriage gets better instead of worse, courtesy of Glee Magazine:

First: Make your marriage the priority. Between kids and work, it’s easy to get so busy that you put your marriage on hold - but it should be the center of everything you do. When it suffers, so does everything else. Spending time with your spouse is the most important job you have to do each day.

The 2nd step to a successful marriage: Try new things as a couple. Remember when you were getting to know each other and everything was new? Get that feeling back! You don’t have to take up sky-diving. Try cooking a meal you’ve never cooked before. As long as it’s new, and you’re doing it together, you’ll be giving your marriage what it needs to thrive.

The 3rd secret to a successful marriage: Hang onto something from your single life. Many marriages run into trouble because people believe they have to do EVERYTHING as a couple. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in each other that you drop off the office softball team or miss movie night with your single friends. But eventually, that breeds resentment. So keep doing the things you love to do on your own.

And the last step to a successful marriage: Ask your spouse for advice! If you find yourself with problems you don’t feel you can share with your partner - you’re in trouble. Being able to talk things out is the foundation of a great marriage. And this is especially true for men. According to marriage expert John Gottmann, the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT predictor of marital success is a husband’s willingness to listen to his wife.

So to review – the 4 things you need for solid marriage are: Making the marriage a priority, trying new things as a couple, hanging on to the interests you had when you were single, and being able to talk things through with your spouse.

On This Day:

2009-12-07T08:11:00.000-06:00

Monday, December 7, 2009: Today is National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day. On this day in 1941, nearly 200 Japanese aircraft attacked Pearl Harbor in Hawaii where almost the entire US Pacific Fleet was anchored. The attack brought about the immediate US entry into World War II.

On this day in 1979 the National Fire Safety Council was founded to promote fire and burn prevention and life safety awareness. The council distributes comprehensive material to children and adults through local fire departments and the Council's mascot, Firepup.

On this day in 1988 an earthquake measuring 6.9 on the Richter scale rocked the Soviet province of Armenia killing upward of 60,000 people. In the quakes aftermath, Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev cut short his trip to the US to fly home and head the massive worldwide relief efforts.

Did You Know?
Did you know that nearly one in four people say they have more headaches during the Christmas season than any other time of the year? Of those surveyed, 75% said that not having enough time caused them to have headaches, 73% said crowds and traffic created their headaches, and 51% said skipping meals gave them headaches.

There's a New Dating Site That Sets You Up The Same Day You Sign Up

2009-12-04T07:46:00.000-06:00

These days, we're all about instant gratification. We have movies on demand, TIVO, fast food. Anything we want we can have it in a second. Now online dating is following the instant “I want it now” trend. According to the Boston Globe, a new company called Crazy Blind Date is specializing in blind dates the same day you sign up! On their site, there's no filling out compatibility profiles, or spending days waiting for someone to “wink” at you. Instead, you register on the site, list any dating restrictions like age or non-smoking, and within an hour they send you and email with the time and place that you'll meet your date, THAT NIGHT!

Can you really make a love match without knowing if you and your date have anything in common? The people behind Crazy Blind Date say you can. They say their service brings the spontaneity back into dating. It's more like the good ol' days when people met randomly, and didn't already know each other’s hobbies and favorite bands before they went on a date. So far Crazy Blind date is in about eight major cities and it's still free. Whether you use that service, or something more established like eHarmony, take a precautions. After all you are meeting a total stranger.

So make sure you meet in a public place – drive yourself – and make sure a friend or family member knows where you’ll be and with whom and when you expect to be home. Never get in a car with a stranger – even if they say, “Hey, want to go check out a new jazz club downtown?” Drive yourself! Go with your gut; if you get a weird vibe, get out fast. Also, as we’ve mentioned recently, you can find out if the person is married or a convicted felon by checking them out on a new cell phone application called Date Check. You just enter their name, phone number or email address into the program and any black marks on their record will pop up! The best thing is you can do it while they're in the bathroom and they'll be none the wiser!

On This Day:

2009-12-04T07:39:00.001-06:00

Friday, December 4, 2009: On this day in 1991, Islamic militants in Lebanon released kidnapped American journalist Terry Anderson after 2.454 days in captivity. Anderson returned to the U.S. and was reunited with his family, including his daughter Suleme, born three months after his capture.

On this day in 1945 the U.S. Senate approved full U.S. participation in the United Nations, in an overwhelming vote of 65 to 7. The United Nations officially came into existence on October 24, 1945, when its charter was ratified by China, France, the Soviet Union, The United Kingdom, the United States and a majority of other signatories.

On this day in 1992 President George H. Bush ordered 28,000 troops to Somalia. In a military mission he described it as “God’s work,” Bush said that America must act to save more than a million Somali lives, but reassured Americans that “this operation is not open-ended.” Unfortunately, America’s humanitarian troops became embroiled in Somalia’s political conflict, and this controversial mission stretched on for 15 months before being abruptly called off by President Bill Clinton in 1993.

Did You Know?
Did you know "60 Minutes" is the only show on CBS that doesn’t have a theme song?

What's the only kind of lie you should tell your spouse?

2009-12-03T07:21:00.001-06:00

The little white kind. That's according to Dr. Judith Sills, author of The Comfort Trap (or, What if You're Riding a Dead Horse?). She points out that relationships are based on the truth. Relationships are also about not hurting your partner, unless it can't be helped. And that's where white lies come in. They protect the feelings of the person you love. So, here are 3 little white lies to put in your arsenal:

First, if your spouse ever asks: "If we were on a sinking ship, who would you save first me or your mother?" The only proper answer is: "You. Absolutely, I would save you first."
"Does this make me look fat?" Guys don't answer that question with anything but: "Honey, you look great!"
And the final question that requires a little white lie is: "If I were dead, which of my friends would you want to date?" The reply to that one is "Are you kidding? I wouldn't want to date any of them! I'd be overcome with grief."
But when you tell lies simply to protect yourself, there are two big problems:

One, a lie's just a quick fix. And it keeps you from solving your problems. For example, differences in parenting styles. Maybe your husband is strict with the kids, but the minute he's gone, you let the kids go wild. And when he asks how they behaved, you lie and say he would have been proud of them. But an honest discussion would allow you to compromise or test which parenting style works best. You might learn to respect your spouse's firmer style, and he might see the wisdom of relaxing some rules.
Second and even more important - lies used to avoid conflict usually make a problem worse. For example, catching your spouse with a cigarette after they said they quit smoking makes you think: "What else don't I know about?" Bottom line: if you want love and trust in your relationship, you must be honest with your partner as much as possible.
If you'd like to go further, the book is The Comfort Trap (or, What if You're Riding a Dead Horse?) by Dr. Judith Sills.

On This Day:

2009-12-03T07:14:00.000-06:00

Thursday, December 3, 2009: On this day in 1967 Dr. Christiaan Barnard, a South African surgeon, performed the world’s first successful heart transplantation at Cape Town, South Africa. The patient, Lois Washkansky, survived for 18 days.

Today is the anniversary of the Bhopal Poison Gas Disaster. On this day in 1984 at Bhopal, India, a leak of deadly gas (methyl isocyanate) at a Union Carbide Corp plant killed more than 4,000 persons and injured more than 200,000 in the world’s worst industrial accident.

On this day in 1947 Tennessee Williams’ drama, A Streetcar Named Desire opened on Broadway at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre with Jessica Tandy and newcomer Marlon Brando. Williams was already a Broadway star with his first play, Glass Menagerie, and Streetcar was to be equally successful; it ran for two years and won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama.

Did You Know?
Did you know sleeping with socks can help you live longer? Sleep experts say wearing socks provides extra warmth to your feet, which improves your circulation and gets the body ready for deep sleep. When you sleep deeply, your growth hormone kicks in and your body repairs itself.

How Much Time Does the Average Mother Spend Getting Ready for Christmas?

2009-12-02T08:52:00.001-06:00

Would you believe, 13 whole days! According to a study written up in the London Daily Mail, mom’s preparations include 288 hours of making lists, figuring out where to find the desired items, and doing the actual shopping. Then, she spends an average of four hours wrapping gifts, three hours decorating the house, nine hours planning, cooking and serving Christmas dinner, and 11 hours cleaning up after the celebration, which includes taking down the tree and the decorations. And what does a hard-working mother get for all that backbreaking work? A Christmas dinner that lasts an average of two hours and 13 minutes. No wonder one in five moms say they dread the holidays! Here are some other surprising statistics:

Two out of three moms find the holidays stressful.
29% of them start planning for Christmas in September, so they can get all the work done.
46% of moms bought things during last January’s sales to get ready for this Christmas.
The good news is: 70% of mothers say that all the trouble to prepare for Christmas is worth it. Why? Because their families are happy!

So, want to give your mother a great Christmas gift? Offer to help out with the shopping, cooking, decorating and cleanup duties. Remember, the spirit of the season is about appreciating one another and spreading good cheer. Not accumulating more “stuff” and more stress.

On This Day:

2009-12-02T08:09:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, December 2, 2009: Today marks the annual lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center in New York City. More than 30,000 lights are strung on five miles of electric wire.

Today marks the beginning of “Operation Santa Paws.” During the holiday season, extra help is needed for abused and abandoned animals in the care of local animal shelters. Operation Santa Paws is helping by spearheading a drive to benefit less fortunate pets.
http://operationsantapaws.com/

On this day in 2001 the Houston-based company Enron filed for bankruptcy. Subsequent investigations revealed questionable accounting practices and unethical dealings, to the extent that “Enron” became the buzzword for corporate malfeasance of the late 1990s and into the 21st century.

Did You Know?
Did you know that mints actually try to make coins look ugly? This is because if they make pretty coins, people will keep them, and the coin will eventually go out of circulation. Then, the mint would have to create a new coin.

Is He Into You or Not?

2009-11-25T08:07:00.000-06:00

Ladies, here are the signs according to science and relationship expert Dr. Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.

If he’s into you, he’ll fuss over you. Let’s say you’re in mid-conversation and he reaches over to brush a piece of fuzz off your sweater – he isn’t focusing on your imperfections, he’s showing interest. Dr. Hogan calls it “lint picking.” Animals do it – they’ll swat bugs away from their mate, or groom each other. It’s an excuse to enter into your personal space.
Another sign of attraction? He’ll look slightly shocked. If you pay close attention, you’ll see a man slightly lift his eyebrows and look surprised while talking to you. It’s a subconscious reaction when a man sees something he likes.
Another clue that he’s into you? He’ll turn his chest toward you. According to anthropologist and relationship expert Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? - when a man points his chest in your direction, you’re on his radar. She says it’s the same as when a gorilla pounds his chest and roars – it’s a way to command attention. For a man, it means “Look at me! I’m important!”
One last sign that he’s into you: He’ll slouch his shoulders. Once you’re engaged in conversation, he’ll ditch the gorilla act and slump forward, rounding his shoulders to appear smaller. Dr. Hogan says slouching is a way for a man to seem more approachable and less threatening to a woman. His posture is sending the signal, “I’m on your level, let’s connect.” Anthropologist Dr. Fisher says his relaxed posture means he’s comfortable in your presence.

So let’s review: If he picks lint off your sweater, raises his eyebrows, turns his gorilla chest toward you, and then slouches once you’re talking – he’s into you.

On This Day:

2009-11-25T07:55:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, November 25, 2009: Today is “Shopping Reminder Day,” which reminds shoppers that there are only 27 more shopping days (excluding Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve) before Christmas.

On this day in 2001 a private biotechnology clinic in Worcester, Massachusetts announced that it had created the first human embryos ever produced by cloning.

On this day in 1952 Agatha Christie’s murder-mystery play “The Mousetrap” premiered in London; it had the longest run in theater history.

Did You Know?
Did you know that the ‘dark meat’ in a turkey comes from its legs? The leg meat is darker because active muscles store a lot of oxygen, which gives them a darker color, and a turkey’s leg muscles are very active.

Parents can help make schools safer

2009-11-24T09:49:00.001-06:00

Despite tragic shootings that have made national headlines, it’s important to remember that our nation’s schools usually are safe places where kids can learn and grow. Contrary to what you might hear in the media, since the early 1990s, there actually have been fewer violent crimes at schools. However, the potential for violence always exists. As a parent, you can play a role in preventing violence and bullying at your child’s school.

Concerned about your child’s safety?
Your first priority is likely to help your child stay safe. These tips may help you get started:

Get involved at school and in your community. Ask teachers and staff what’s being done to keep kids safe and how you can help. Consider volunteering at the school, working with a parent-teacher group or joining a neighborhood association that works to put a stop to violence.

Tune in. Listen to your children, and make efforts to talk with them each day about whatever is on their mind. Are there problems with other kids at school? Is anyone being bullied? Watch for signs of trouble, such as falling grades, loss of friends, mood swings or attempts to avoid school. Find out who your child can talk to at school, such as a teacher or counselor, if a violence issue arises.

Keep tabs on computer use. Be aware that bullying occurs on cell phones — often in the form of text messages — and the Internet. Ask your kids what they do online and who they chat with. Know what social networking sites, such as Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, your child belongs to. Teach them to be cautious about sharing information.

Be alert to your child’s activities and friends. Know where your children are, what they’re doing and who they spend time with.

Educate your child about bullying. Whether it involves teasing, threats or hitting, bullying can have serious consequences for the bullied child, including depression and damaged self-esteem. If your child is being bullied, consider these ways to respond provided by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration:
• Make sure children know that being bullied is not their fault.
• Let your children know that they don’t have to face being bullied alone. Tell them to report bullying immediately to a trusted adult.
• Teach ways of responding to bullies. For instance, tell your child not to react, but to walk away and get help if pursued.
• Contact the school and report what’s happening. Talk with teachers and other school staff to find solutions. If the situation doesn’t get resolved, consider contacting the police.
Concerned about your child’s conduct?
No parent wants to hear that his or her child has been bullying other children, but it can happen. You may be able to play a role in preventing violent behavior. Consider these suggestions:

Discuss violence with your child. Listen to his or her concerns. But, make it clear that you won’t tolerate violent behavior. Discuss the consequences of fighting and bullying, such as getting hurt and hurting others.

Be clear and consistent about rules. Explain to your child what the consequences will be for breaking rules, and follow through. This helps promote self-discipline, a skill that will help your child choose acceptable behaviors at school and throughout life.

Encourage your kids to avoid name-calling and teasing. This type of verbal behavior may turn physical. A victim of teasing may see violence as the only solution.

Help kids develop problem-solving skills. Teach your children nonviolent ways to handle anger and resolve conflict, such as taking a moment to gather their thoughts and talking calmly and clearly about problems.

Know the risks of keeping guns at home. If you choose to keep firearms in the house, lock up the guns and ammunition separately.

Be a role model. Settle your own conflicts and handle anger without violence.

For more resources, visit the Stop Bullying Now Campaign at www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov and the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center at www.safeyouth.org.

Money Issues You Should Talk About Before You Get Married

2009-11-24T07:16:00.002-06:00

What’s one of the best ways to stay out of divorce court? Talk about your finances before you get married. David Popenoe is a professor of sociology at Rutgers University. He says the risk of any marriage ending in divorce is about 45%, but money plays a big role. Aside from infidelity – money is the biggest factor in divorces. So that’s why you have to work out your financial differences before getting married. Here are three money issues you need to talk about up front, courtesy of the New York Times.

Family history. How did your parents deal with money? How does that affect how you deal with it? How might that impact your relationship? Lisa J. B. Peterson is the founder of Lantern Financial, a Boston-based financial planning firm. She says that many of our money behaviors are learned. So, share your earliest money memories — whether your father hid money from your mom, or whether either parent had a problem with overspending. This can help shed a light on where each of you is coming from, and if you follow in those footsteps.
Your credit ratings. A credit report is a catalog of past mistakes and overall habits — loan payments you missed, the number of charge cards you’ve had and so on. That makes it a good starting point for a discussion about what you’ve learned or still need to learn about handling money. Second, if there are errors or low credit scores that you can improve, there may still be time to do that so you can get the best rates on a home loan and other loans down the road. So be honest about debt and credit scores before you say “I do” and merge your financial lives.
Have a conversation about how much money is “enough.” Just how rich would you like to be one day? If you want to afford the finer things, are you OK working 80 hours a week? Can your spouse handle acting as a single parent while you slave away? Or if you’re okay living on less – can you do without vacations, or can you live with just one car between the both of you? Jeff Kostis is a financial planner, and he says there’s no right or wrong answer. You need to understand, going into the marriage, what it’s going to take to have the life you want to live.

On This Day:

2009-11-24T07:11:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, November 24, 2009: Today is “Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day.” We all have at least one extraordinary - and many times weird - ability. Now’s the time to get out there and indulge in yours!

This week is national “Teens Don’t Text and Drive Week.” The Etiquette & Leadership Institute sponsors this event during the heavily traveled Thanksgiving week. The goal is to teach teens across America about the importance of driving safely, not just during Thanksgiving week, but every week.

On this day in 1859 Charles Darwin’s monumental work, On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life was published by London publisher John Murray. The print run of 1,250 sold out the same day. The book immediately generated a firestorm of public and private discussion.

Did You Know?
Did you know a male turkey is called a tom or a gobbler, a female turkey is a hen, and a baby turkey is called a poult or chick? A young male turkey is called a jake and a young female is called a jenny. A whole group of turkeys – that’s called a flock.

Advice That Will Help Your Marriage Last

2009-11-23T07:12:00.003-06:00

Check out these statistics: About 40% of kids are growing up with divorced parents, and a record-breaking 40% of babies born last year had unmarried parents. So if you’re married, how can you make it last? Try these tips from ABC News:

Learn to communicate. Without proper communication, a marriage is doomed. So if something’s bothering you, don’t bottle it up. Instead, approach your spouse calmly and use the word “I” – as in “I don’t enjoy doing the dishes every night.” When you use the word “I,” it doesn’t sound like your blaming your spouse, and they’ll be more likely to listen. Remember: You need to listen to your spouse, too. If you don’t listen, you’re not communicating with your spouse – you’re lecturing them. So if you bring up the issue with the dishes – and your spouse wants to talk about how they do all of the cooking – you need to hear them out. Then, come up with a solution to your problems together. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it.
Embrace change. Your lives are going to change, and problems will pop up along the way. Remember this: Marriage can actually help you get through the tough times. Researchers in England found that since couples tend to tackle problems together, it slashes stress levels because they’re not handling the issue by themselves. So accept the fact that you can’t control everything – and that your spouse will help you get through the tough times.
Stay positive. How can you have a happy marriage if you only focus on your spouse’s negative qualities? So try this: Instead of thinking, “I love my spouse, but they’re messy and forgetful.” Change that to, “I love my spouse AND they’re messy and forgetful.” It’ll help you get your head around the idea that nobody’s perfect – and that you can love everything about your spouse, even the negative parts.

On This Day:

2009-11-23T07:10:00.000-06:00

Monday, November 23, 2009: Today marks the beginning of “Better Conversation Week.” This special week can strengthen personal bonds through meaningful, enjoyable talk among friends and family members.
http://www.conversation-matters.com/

Today also marks the anniversary of the first play-by-play football game radio broadcast. In 1919, Texas A&M and the University of Texas were the first teams to have their game on the air! Texas A&M won 7-0.

On this day in 1936 the illustrated magazine Life debuted. The first cover featured a dramatic photograph by Margaret Bourke-White of Fort Peck Dam.

Did You Know?
Did you know the average taste bud lives only 10 days before it dies and is replaced by a new one?

Jealousy

2009-11-20T07:46:00.001-06:00

You Should Be Grateful for Your Kids

2009-11-20T07:33:00.002-06:00

On This Day:

2009-11-20T07:31:00.000-06:00

Friday, November 20, 2009: On this day in 1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson announced the formation of the National Commission of Product Safety.

Today is “Name Your PC Day.” Hey why not? People name their boats! There are lot more PCs than boats these days. However, “Blinky” is already taken.

It is also the United Nations “Universal Children’s Day” - a time to honor children with special ceremonies and festivals and a day designed to make children’s needs known to governments.
www.un.com

Did You Know?
Did you know that people work faster and make fewer mistakes in brightly lit rooms? So turn on an extra lamp if you want to get more done.

You Should Talk to Your Kids About Their Relationships

2009-11-19T07:48:00.001-06:00

You Should Talk to Your Kids About Their Relationships

If you aren’t meddling in your kid’s dating life, you might want to start! According to the Wall Street Journal a recent study shows that kids, whose parents talk to them about their romances, are more likely to have better quality relationships later in life. Dr. Stephanie Madsen is the study’s lead author. She looked at the relationships of more than 200 young people and found that when parents take their teenager’s relationships seriously, the teens have stronger, healthier connections to their boyfriends or girlfriends. However, if parents take a “hands-off” approach, teens say their relationships have more conflict, and less affection and support. It turns out that young love is even more important than the experts thought.

A recent study published in Child Development magazine, found that even middle school relationships have an impact on kid’s future mental health. According to the study, middle school kids in healthy relationships, continued to be mentally and socially healthier in high school. Kids who made bad relationship choices, continued to make bad relationship choices in high school and reported more depression and aggressive behavior.

So how do you get the conversation started with your kid? Spend a lot of down-time together to give them the chance to bring up the topic themselves. When they do, listen to them and give an honest opinion, but avoid giving orders or being too judgmental about the relationship. Young people see that as you downplaying their independence, and they'll just shut down. Dr. Madsen says, according to her research, kids tend to respond better when parents listen more and only give advice when they’re asked. This might sound a little like you’re being a friend and not a parent, but according to Madsen, you’re helping your child make smarter, more mature choices about who they date. Doing that will help them have healthier relationships overall.

On This Day:

2009-11-19T07:45:00.001-06:00

Thursday, November 19, 2009: Today is the anniversary of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. In 1863, 17 acres of the battlefield at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, were dedicated as a national cemetery. Noted orator Edward Everett spoke for two hours; the address that Lincoln delivered in less than two minutes was later recognized as one of the most eloquent of the English language.

On this day in 1990 the Cold War formally ended. A summit was held at Paris with the leaders of the Conference on Security and Cooperation in Europe (CSCE). The highlight of the summit was the signing of a treaty to dramatically reduce conventional weapons in Europe, thereby ending the Cold War.

On this day in 1954 the first automatic toll collection machine was placed in service at the Union Toll Plaza on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway. The first modern toll road was the Pennsylvania Turnpike, which opened in 1940.

Did You Know?
Did you know that 100-years ago, 3% of us were lefties? Today, it's at least 11%. What’s the deal? University College London thinks the increase is because most parents no longer try forcing their kids to use their right hand anymore

Want to get closer to the one you love?

2009-11-18T07:26:00.001-06:00

Here’s how, according to married psychologists John and Julie Gottman. They’ve been studying relationships for so long that 96% of the time, they can predict how healthy a couple’s relationship is by observing them have a three minute conversation. So here are their strategies for connecting.

Be less direct. Now, that doesn’t mean to stifle your feelings, just soften them. The way you start conversations has a big effect on the overall quality of your relationship. If you launch into something with criticisms, contempt or harsh words, it makes your partner withdraw or become defensive. So the next time you need to bring something up, instead of attacking them with “I’m sick of going out with your buddies every weekend!” Try, “I feel like spending time along together. How ‘bout we have a dinner and movie date on Saturday night?” You partner is more likely to hear what you’re trying to say.
Next, it’s okay to get angry. Anger can spur you to make positive changes. If you hold it in, it’ll build up until you get so resentful that you explode. But anger is not name calling, blaming, or digging up past issues. No one’s going to listen if they feel they’re being criticized or attacked. You need to share responsibility for the problem. Focus on what’s happening now, and focus on the actions that are upsetting you, not the person. Here’s an example: Instead of “You waste all our money and that’s why we can never afford a vacation!” Try, “We should work on a budget so we can afford a vacation. We haven’t been away in 2 years.” Another example: Don’t say, “You haven’t cooked one meal since we’ve been together! Don’t you know how hard it is for me to do everything!” That’s bringing up the past. Instead say, “You said you’d get dinner started but you’re still watching TV.”

On This Day:

2009-11-18T07:20:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, November 18, 2009: Today is Mickey Mouse’s 81st birthday. The comical activities of squeaky-voiced Mickey Mouse first appeared in 1928, on the screen of the Colony Theatre in New York City. The film, Walt Disney’s “Steamboat Willie” was the first animated cartoon talking picture.

On this day in 1963 push-button telephones went into service as an alternative to rotary-dial phones. Touch-tone service was available as an option at an extra charge. This option was only available in two Pennsylvania cities.

On this day in 1883, American and Canadian railroads began using four continental time zones to end the confusion of dealing with thousands of local times. Most Americans and Canadians quickly embraced the new time zones, since railroads were often their lifeblood and main link with the rest of the world. However, it was not until 1918 that Congress officially adopted the railroad time zones and put them under the supervision of the Interstate Commerce Commission.

Did You Know?
Did you know that sticking to one lane when you drive could help you get up to four more miles per gallon? Why? Hitting the gas to pass somebody causes the engine to surge, decreasing fuel efficiency. Plus, switching lanes all the time can be dangerous.

The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting

2009-11-17T07:18:00.002-06:00

Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “dont's” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:

DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.
However, after your first date: DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.
DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.

By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.

On This Day:

2009-11-17T07:13:00.001-06:00

Tuesday, November 17, 2009: Today is the anniversary of the accession of Elizabeth I to the English throne. The Elizabethan age began on this day in 1553 with the passing of Elizabeth’s half-sister, Queen Mary I. The long reign of Elizabeth, coincided with the flowering of the English Renaissance, associated with such renowned authors as William Shakespeare. By her death in 1603, England became a major world power in every respect, and Queen Elizabeth I passed into history as one of England’s greatest monarchs.

Today is “Homemade Bread Day,” a day for the family to remember and enjoy the making, baking and eating of nutritious homemade bread.

On this day in 1800 the U.S. Congress convened for the first time in the partially completed Capitol building.

Did You Know?
Did you know that certain fruits can help soothe bug bites? Papaya and pineapple contain enzymes that break down the protein toxins in bee-sting and bug-bite venoms that cause pain and swelling. Just cut open the fruit and rub the fleshy part onto the sore spot.

Bad Reasons to Break Up

2009-11-14T07:08:00.001-06:00

Sometimes it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but some couples throw in the towel before they’ve really tried to make it work. They think some problems are impossible to work through. So, here are a few BAD reasons to break up. These are from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of Falling in relationship for All the Right Reasons:

The first bad break-up reason: You've had a big fight. Disagreeing is inevitable – you know that. What you may not know is that having a conflict with your partner will strengthen your bond in the long run. Psychologists agree that the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. It helps you understand your partner better - what sets them off, what makes them tick. So don’t head for the door when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Stay put and talk it out.
Bad breakup reason #2: Your partner finds other people attractive. Yes, you’ve captured your partner’s heart - but you haven’t poked out their eyes! Physically attractive people are everywhere - on TV, on billboards, and yes - even in the local supermarket. The experts say it’s naïve to think that these people will go unnoticed. In a good, committed relationship, people aren’t cut off to external influences – including you. It’s acting on those influences that’s a recipe for disaster. So no matter where you are or who you’re with – act as if your partner can hear and see everything you’re doing.
One last bad reason to break-up: The relationship doesn’t always make you happy. Here’s a newsflash: your relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. You’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all your hobbies and ambitions because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs - you’ve made a fatally BAD MOVE. That’s too much pressure for your partner, and too high of an expectation from your relationship. So take responsibility for your own happiness. If you don’t, you’ll just keep jumping from partner to partner, because ultimately, nobody can make you happy but yourself.

Love at First Sight Really Does Exist

2009-11-14T07:03:00.001-06:00

Is there really such a thing as love at first sight? A lot of scientists say, “Yes.” That it’s definitely possible to realize you’ve met “The One” within three minutes of laying eyes on them. Dr. Helen Fisher is the author of Why Him? Why Her? She says that from the beginning of time, humans have been designed to instantly sort out friends from enemies. In ancient times, it helped keep people safe. Today, we use those same skills to size up a potential partner. Here are the facts on attraction:

First, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive, which means, your brain immediately eliminates anyone who’s too short or too tall for you, too old or too young, or too scruffy or too well-scrubbed for your taste.
Next, if they fit your general concept of “The One,” you focus on their voice. Once again, you decide whether you like it in a matter of seconds. So, what are we looking for in a voice? Women think men with full, deep voices are better looking than they really are. Men are more attracted to women with higher-pitched voices, or who sound breathy, like Marilyn Monroe. Studies show that men and women think people who speak faster are smarter.
What else happens in the first three minutes of meeting someone? You judge their words. Studies show that we tend to like people who use the same kinds of words we do, whether they’re short words or long words, descriptive words, or scientific words, formal words or slang. Dr. Fisher says you’re more likely to fall in love at first sight if your first conversation turns to something you think is important - like music, kids, or work – and you’re both totally in agreement.

Of course, love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone. Researchers at Ben-Gurion University in Israel found that only 11% of people say their long-term relationships started at “hello.” However, if you like someone even slightly, the more similar you are – as far as your values, education, background and morals - the more the attraction will grow over time. Whether it’s love at first sight – or love in hindsight – those first three minutes can make or break your romance.

The Secrets of Happy Couples

2009-11-13T10:42:00.001-06:00

Most couples focus on avoiding conflict, but happy couples know to maximize the positive – even if it means a little teasing every now and then. Want to be one of those couples? Here’s how, courtesy of Psychology Today magazine.

Poke fun at each other. Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He says that playfulness is one of the first casualties of a busy life. When your days consist of nothing but working, paying bills, cleaning and sleeping, play can disappear from your relationship. You have to keep it alive, by joking around and even using silly nicknames. You may think a serious talk is the best way to handle a serious situation, but Keltner says that couples who tease each other in the heat of a conflict actually feel more connected when things are resolved.
Notice what’s new about your partner. Ellen Langer is a psychologist at Harvard University. She says that most of us get so familiar with our partners that we stop noticing them. Just because you’ve stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing. So, make it a point to detect differences, and each time you do this, look for three things about your partner that have changed since the last time you looked. Langer calls this “mindful awareness.” She points to one study which found that when non-football fans watched a game while writing down things they noticed about the players and the stadium, they became more enthusiastic about the sport.
Put it in writing. A study from the University of Texas found that when couples wrote about their relationship for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, they were more likely to be going strong three years later. They also sent more positive instant messages. So, the next time you think fondly about your partner, write it down. Even better - share what you wrote with them.

On This Day:

2009-11-13T10:41:00.001-06:00

Friday, November 13, 2009: The Kindness Movement has gone global! Today is recognized as “World Kindness Day,” formed by USA, Australia, Canada, Thailand, Japan, Singapore and England. It represents the pledge of each of these countries to join together to build a kinder and more compassionate world.
http://www.actsofkindness.org/

Today is “Guinness World Records Day,” a day to celebrate ordinary people around the world doing extraordinary things. Also, this is a day to encourage individuals to reach into their imaginations and attempt to break their own Guinness World Record.
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/

On this day in 1982 the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, D.C. The names of more than 58,000 lost soldiers were inscribed on a long wall of polished black granite.

Did You Know?
Do you know why leaves fall from trees this time of year? It’s because the veins that carry fluids in and out of the leaves gradually close off. When they do, the leaves turn brown and fall off. The best place to see gorgeous fall foliage, according to MSN.com, is the Appalachian Trail in Lanesborough, Massachusetts.

On this Day:

2009-11-12T11:40:00.001-06:00

In 1786, a lovesick Thomas Jefferson composes a romantic and introspective letter to a woman named Maria Cosway. Early in 1786, widower Thomas Jefferson met Maria Cosway in Paris while he was serving as the U.S. minister to France. Cosway was born to English parents in Italy and, by the time she met Jefferson, had become an accomplished painter and musician. She was also married. The two developed a deep friendship and possibly more, although a sexual relationship has never been proven.

Five months after the release of his phenomenally successful second album, Thriller, Michael Jackson performs the “moonwalk” on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special to his hit song “Billie Jean” on this day in 1983. (He had introduced the move in front of a live audience earlier that year.)

On this day in 1954, Ellis Island, the gateway to America, shuts it doors after processing more than 12 million immigrants since opening in 1892. Today, an estimated 40 percent of all Americans can trace their roots through Ellis Island, located in New York Harbor off the New Jersey coast and named for merchant Samuel Ellis, who owned the land in the 1770s.

Parents, listen up! Bullies have changed since we were in school.

2009-11-10T07:33:00.001-06:00

Children are FIVE TIMES more likely to be bullied today than they were 20 years ago. According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, 1 out of every 3 kids will be bullied this year. But the problem is - kids who are being bullied aren't always comfortable talking about it. So, if your child suddenly loses interest in school or other activities, chances are there's a problem. Here's what you can do to help your kids stay safe:

Take action immediately. Visit the principal and report as many details of the incident as you can and don't leave until you hear what the school plans to do about it.
Encourage your child to stay in groups. Bullies like to pick on kids who are by themselves.
If your child is being bullied Tell them to remain calm. Getting upset is just what the bully wants. Help them practice saying something like, "Stop that right now" in a quiet voice and fight or bully back.
Want to know more? Check out the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website.

If a break-up has left you broken-hearted, I have good news!

2009-11-06T08:16:00.001-06:00

Researchers at the University of Arizona studied couples to see what sort of emotional first aid helped after a split. Here’s their scientific system for getting over your break-up and on with your life, courtesy of Psychology Today:

Absence makes the heart heal faster. Maybe one day you and your ex will be buds, but the research shows that right after the break-up, the less you see of each other - the faster you’ll heal.
Get rid of your ‘couple stuff.’ Whether you donate the waffle iron he gave you to charity or pack up pictures and put them in the attic, you’ll feel better if you’re not constantly reminded of what might have been.
Be ready to get mad. As time passes, feelings of anger will replace your sadness. That’s part of the process. Don’t give into the urge to fire off an angry email. You’ll go backwards if you do.
Put down the brownies and pick up the phone. There’s nothing to be gained by sitting at home and bonding with comfort food. You’ll get your mind off your troubles and feel better sooner by spending time with friends.

That’s the proven way to get over a broken-heart.

How do you know when somebody likes you? Two words: body language!

2009-11-05T07:51:00.002-06:00

How do you know when somebody likes you? Two words: body language! So, next time you’re on a date, here are the signs to look for – and the signs to put out there - if you’re interested in getting to date number 2. These tips come from David Givens, author of Love Signals: The Body Language of Courtship:

· One of the first signals that someone is interested in you is: rapid eye blinking. The average person blinks 20 times a minute. But if they blink faster than that, they’re either under stress – or they’re attracted to you.

· Then there’s the mimic. If someone’s “into” you, they’ll mimic your behavior. For example, if you stretch, yawn, or lean, they do it, too. It means they’re paying attention to your actions and displaying a natural rapport. So, if you want your date to know you’re interested, make a point to mimic their behavior.

· Another way to tell someone likes you is if they touch anything you usually carry……Like your cell phone, pen, or purse. Those things are called “body extensions,” and touching them means they may be getting ready to touch your hand.

· There’s also the male reach. Men often reach toward someone they find attractive……Without making actual physical contact.

For example, he reaches toward you across the table, and pats the tablecloth for emphasis.

· And finally, there’s the hair preen. People tend to touch their hair, twirl the ends, or run their fingers through it when they’re near someone they like. Why? Because it calls attention to their face.

If you’d like to go further, the book is Love Signals: The Body Language of Courtship by David Givens.

Three-Step Plan to Stop Chronic Bickering

2009-11-04T11:01:00.003-06:00

“How many times have I told you?” If that phrase sounds familiar, your marriage could be in trouble. Laurie Puhn is an attorney who specializes in family mediation and the author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. She believes that constantly arguing over little things - like your husband putting his dirty towel on the floor - erodes trust and stops you from working as a team. So, here are her three steps for ending chronic bickering:

Step #1: Take a seat. When you feel your next fight brewing, say something like, "Honey, can you please sit down, we need to talk.” Puhn says this accomplishes three things: First, it gives you a few moments to calm down. Second, it lets your partner know that the issue is serious and needs to be resolved. Third: the act of sitting drains energy from the fight, so things won’t get as heated.
Step #2: Find out what’s really going on - but don’t ask "why" questions, like "Why can’t you ever do what I ask?" That creates an emotional response because it’s seen as an attack. It puts the person in fight-or-flight mode – which is a natural reaction to stress and being attacked. Other questions are fine, because they show an interest in "how" you can solve the problem, "what" you can do, or "when" something might get resolved. So try something like, "How can I get you to hang up your towels?"
Step #3: Negotiate a solution. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it. That’s why Puhn stresses the importance of couples working together. So, if you suggest that each of you is responsible for your own towel, and your spouse offers to alternate weeks cleaning the bedroom and doing the laundry - your days of arguing are over.

Remember: There are going to be disagreements in every marriage, but your goal shouldn’t be to win the argument. It should be to make the argument go away, because if one person wins, that means the other loses – and that keeps the negative feelings alive.

Steps to a happier household

2009-11-02T08:04:00.001-06:00

Parents – want to bring your family closer together? Of course you do! That’s why I’ve got some great advice from Reader’s Digest for creating a happier household:

First: Provide order and stability. Kids need a routine so they feel calm and reassured. A predictable daily schedule, clear rules, and an organized house make both you and your children more relaxed and comfortable. So when crises do occur, kids know there’s a part of life that won’t change. A calm bedtime routine is a good start.

Next: Hold family meetings. That way everyone knows they’ll have a certain time when they can talk about something that’s bothering them, or share good news. It’s also a good time to plan for the week ahead and avoid last minute anxiety over whether they have a ride to a music lesson or new soccer shoes for practice.

Another path to a happy household: Create rituals. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives kids a sense of continuity. Some families observe religious rituals while others make up their own, like pizza and scrabble on Friday nights. Rituals give children things to look forward to.

Also: Parents shouldencourage loving feelings in their children. Studies have shown that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. So, take time to just hang out together, and insist that children treat others with kindness and respect - especially their siblings.

And one more way to encourage a happy family: Schedule parent-only time. When you’re upset about bills, or you get angry you’re your spouse, you create an atmosphere that kids might find upsetting. So, take a long walk without the kids and schedule regular dates to help soothe your worries and recreate the love that brought you together in the first place. When you’re happy, you’ll be a much better parent to your children.

Here are The Three Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship

2009-11-02T07:56:00.001-06:00

What are the 3 best things you can do for your relationship? Oprah’s “O” magazine asked the top 3 relationship experts for their best piece of marriage advice. And here they are:

Number one comes from psychologist Harville Hendrix, author of “Getting the Love You Want”. He says – stop all the shame, blame and criticism! Instead, ask for what you want in a clear, specific and positive manner. This goes double for wives! Men need to feel competent. They react better when you tell them what you do like, which behaviors make you happy. So instead of grabbing the sponge and telling your husband he doesn’t know how to wash the dishes, instead, say ‘thank you for pitching in!’ When men get acknowledged for things, they’ll keep doing them.

The second piece of marriage advice comes from Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum, author of “The Weekend Marriage”. She says, when your relationship starts to break down, you need triple A – apology, affection, and a promise of action. Say you’re sorry for what you’ve done to disappoint your partner. Immediately offer a hug, a kiss, a meaningful gesture of warmth. Then pledge to do something that matters to your partner. The whole thing will take 2 minutes, but in that time you’ve healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for the future.

The third and final piece of relationship advice comes from Dr. Ruth Westheimer, author of “52 Lessons on Communicating Love”. Dr. Ruth says, all relationships grow stale as time goes by. The best thing you can do is to pump some fresh air into it. A long weekend away would be ideal, but even a few hours away from work, the kids, the cell phone, and life’s responsibilities helps. Reconnect with each other by remembering the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Do the things that you used to do – talk over dinner, walk with your arms around one another. When you get home, you’ll find ‘your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks’ – those are Dr. Ruth’s words.

Should You Use The Internet to Snoop on Your Spouse?

2009-10-29T07:07:00.000-05:00

At least one expert thinks so. Dr. Ian Kerner is a marriage and family therapist and a contributor to the Today Show. He believes that emotional infidelity is one of the biggest issues that couples face today – and the Internet is a big factor of this. Why? Because it makes flirting, or meeting someone new so easy. So, while snooping on your spouse online isn’t a pleasant choice – he says that sometimes it’s the right choice.

Emotional infidelity often takes the form of a flirty friendship with someone, and it can have a lot of the characteristics of a face-to-face relationship, just without the face-to-face aspect. At least, not at first. The late Shirley Glass wrote a breakthrough book on the subject called Not Just Friends. In it, she described emotional affairs this way – they’re characterized by secrecy, emotional intimacy and hormones running amok. Emotional affairs can be more threatening than physical ones, because they create stronger bonds, and often, it’s only a matter of time before they move to the next level.

The number-one danger of Internet infidelity is that it easily diverts your attention away from your core relationship. With all the different social networks and chat rooms available, the Internet enables us to easily tune-out our partners, when we should be making an effort to tune-in to them. So, when your gut is telling you that something’s wrong, Kerner says snooping should be allowed. After all, if you’re in a committed relationship, there should be nothing to hide. Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect your partner’s privacy, but Kerner believes that respect - first and foremost - demands a foundation of trust. He says he has one password for his various email accounts, and his wife knows what it is. He doubts that she uses it, but says she’s welcome to sift through his emails and check his social networks anytime she likes. That’s what trust is all about: having nothing to hide, and being able to respect each other’s privacy. One can’t exist without the other.

Jealousy

2009-09-18T12:57:00.001-05:00

Go for it!

2009-09-01T07:34:00.001-05:00

So many relationships have no real communication. You can talk about day to day details, bills that need to be paid, or who forgot to flush but, intimate subjects are rarely discussed.

Most couples are shy about discussing sex, fantasies, desires, even though they may have been together many years. So, how do you solve this problem? Here are a couple of suggestions that are sure to work. First of all find a podcast about intimacy or sex in general, make a cd or put it on an ipod so both of you can listen and discuss it , open-mindedly, later. CHECK THIS OUT..

Another suggestion is Playboy Radio, yep you heard right! Sirius/XM Radio has a program called Afternoon Advice that covers just about every issue a couple may have. The idea is to create discussion!! Make an effort, and above all, be open minded and enjoy each other’s thoughts and opinions. You will be amazed what this will do for your relationship. Go for it!!!

Does online coaching /counseling work?

2009-08-11T15:42:00.003-05:00

Online counseling of one form or another (email, chat and phone) has been around for over 10 years now. It began with therapists connecting with clients through technology instead of, or in addition to, regular face-to-face sessions. As the use of the computer and the ease of telephones and instant messaging has increased, so has the interest in receiving help with personal problems over the internet.

More and more people are using the internet to search out answers to questions. Some questions are not ones that articles, books or message boards can answer effectively. Some need the individual help and support that only a trained professional can offer.

Online counseling has been shown to be effective with a large number of problems. While not many studies have been done in this area, reports and testimonials from some consumers indicate that online counseling can be as helpful as in-person therapy for many problems.

What do you think?

Advice for finding a love relationship online - Examiner.com

2009-07-31T17:13:00.001-05:00

Advice for finding a love relationship online
Examiner.com
Congratulations on being open minded enough to join an online dating site and take action toward fulfilling your goal of finding a romantic relationship. ...

The Best Relationships

2009-07-31T16:13:00.001-05:00

Relationships bring out the best and the worst in us. Here are some ways to bring out the best in yours:
1. Focus on yourself.
Do things to increase your self-awareness, like how you behave in relationships. It can help to stay aware of patterns, reactions, feelings, beliefs, and triggers (from your childhood and previous relationships) that arise in your relationship. It is often true that how you feel may have little to do with your partner, and is more about you and your past experiences.
2. Take responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts, needs, and behaviour.
• Use “I” statements (“I feel...” vs. “You make me feel...”)• Check out assumptions, interpretations, and fears.• State your feelings and thoughts clearly and without blame.• Make requests. Ask for what you need. She/he may not know what you need.• Know that you may not get exactly what you need.• Find ways to meet your own needs.
3. Take care of yourself.
Treat yourself as you would a good friend.
4. Be present with yourself.
This is important not only for your own well-being, but also for your relationship. Being present with yourself can be achieved in different ways, such as meditation, yoga, relaxation, rest, exercise, body awareness, dance, being in nature, and prayer. Anything that helps you to be in the moment will help you to do that with your partner, as well. Many people find that being in the moment while they are with their partner is a lot harder than when they are alone or with other people. Some couples work on this together. You can:
Lie down with your partner in a spoon position (one person's front side hugs the other person's back side) and then breathe in unison for five to ten minutes. Generally it is better if the larger partner follows the breath of the smaller partner. If your mind wanders, bring your focus back to breathing together. Variations of this are standing up and breathing in unison while hugging, and sitting down facing each other, holding eye contact while breathing in unison. This can also be helpful to do when you feel upset or angry with each other.
Sit facing each other. At first, look down or close your eyes. Become aware of your breath. Follow the natural rhythm of your breath, and let your mind be clear of thoughts and worries. When you have done this for a while, open your eyes and look at your partner. S/he may not have opened her/his eyes yet. If not, look at your partner from this meditative place and see what you notice, while you continue to follow your breath. When your partner opens her/his eyes, hold eye contact, while continuing to follow your breath. If you lose your connection with your breath, take a moment by looking down or closing your eyes to reconnect, and then hold eye contact again. Just notice what you are aware of as you do this.
5. Nurture all of your relationships.
Try not to isolate yourself in your primary relationship.
6. Explore your own creativity, needs, independence, leisure activities, hobbies, career
Anything that makes you feel better about yourself, or makes you feel whole and feeds your soul is important and will have a positive effect on your relationship.
7. Take another look.
When your partner does something that bothers you,
Ask yourself, what does this mean to me? Why am I bothered by this? Is there anything from my past that is effecting how I am feeling or seeing this right now? Have I in any way contributed to this issue, perhaps without being aware of it? Is there anything about this issue that might reflect something I don't want to look at within me?
If you are feeling critical or judgmental about your partner's behaviour, step back for a moment and see if you can come up with alternative explanations for that behaviour—ones that are less critical.
If you need to say something, this is a helpful formula to use: When you...(describe behaviour in neutral terms), I feel...(describe feelings without blaming), and I would like to ask that you...(make your request about a concrete behavioural change).
8. Give understanding.
Just as you deserve understanding and support, your partner does, too, and it does help to feel understood. Try to see the situation from her/his perspective, especially when you are in conflict.
9. Acknowledge your partner's feelings.
You don't have to agree with someone to acknowledge and understand how they feel.
10. Give your partner lots of appreciation.
Let your partner know how much you love her/him and why.
11. Accept your partner the way she/he is.
This doesn't mean that you don't ask her/him for behavioural changes, or that you accept, for example, being yelled at. It just means that you accept your partner as a person, and believe in her/his good intentions. Contrary to popular belief, really accepting someone brings out the best in them.
12. Don't make sweeping generalizations.
No matter how tempting, try not to make sweeping generalizations like “You never...,” “You are always...,” “You are such a....” Besides the fact that they are not true (no one does the same thing all the time, in every situation), they are hurtful statements that leave people feeling bad about themselves, and can feed into a lack of motivation for change. “If I never do anything right, why bother?”
13. Have complaint sessions.
Sometimes couples build up resentments that need airing. It can help to have a “complaint session.” One person starts by saying all the things that are bothering her/him, while their partner listens and encourages them to continue by saying, “what else?” Sometimes by delving deeper, the one who is complaining realizes that there's more to the complaints than what s/he originally thought. The one complaining may start out angry but often will soften, and become more aware of what is really bothering her/him, and what s/he needs. The listener's job is to listen, without comment, and to try not to take it personally. What you are hearing is an indication of how frustrated or angry your partner is right now. Keep in mind that it's not all about you, even if most of the anger is being directed at you. You can switch roles when the first person is done, or at a later time.
14. Take time out.
When a conflict is not going anywhere, it can help to take some time away from your partner. Couples usually make up rules about time out, such as don't leave the house, and having a set amount of time for the time out, like 30 minutes, before checking back in with each other about whether or not they can continue the discussion. In cars, time out can just mean that no one talks for a set amount of time. Either partner can call time out, and it should mean immediate silence for an agreed-upon time. It is always better to have the amount of time set prior to an argument, or you will argue about that! Some couples don't set a specific amount of time, but remain silent for a while, and when they have calmed down enough to feel compassion, they check in with each other about their mutual readiness to continue the conversation or to let it go for now.
15. Listen carefully.
If your partner is trying to tell you something and you don't understand, listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, check out what you think they are saying, and keep trying to understand. Many arguments arise from our not really listening to each other, or assuming that we know what the other person is saying without checking it out first. It is always best to check that you understood the other person correctly.
Of course, you won't be able to follow these guidelines one hundred percent of the time, and that's okay; no one can. But if you want your relationship to be based on respect, compassion, and clear communication, it's a good idea to try to follow these guidelines or others that work for you, as much as possible.

Dealing With Teens..

2009-04-13T12:25:00.003-05:00

One of the most difficult issues a family will go through is dealing with difficult teens. Sometimes we strive so hard to be the cool parent, the friend, the buddy, that we loose our focus on the main goal, raising our child! Parents, we need to keep this objective in mind. Please submit any tips, suggestions, or opinions on the matter to help assist other couples dealing with this issue. WE NEED YOUR INPUT!

Family Matters

2009-03-29T08:01:00.003-05:00

You ask for it, and we deliver! So many of our readers ask for more information about dealing with teenagers. These teen years can be extremely stressful on teenagers and VERY hard on the relationship of the parents. We have created a new section on our site called "Family Matters" to help deal with these issues. Please feel free to contribute anything you believe could be helpful!

A recent poll on Health and Behavior by the University of Texas

2009-02-08T19:08:00.005-06:00

Although more Americans are waiting longer to get married the odds of a lasting, happy marriage are more likely to occur if the bride is between the ages of 23 and 27and age 27 for men. This is not meant to deter anyone who is over 30!
Statistics are just numbers and should be used for maybe interesting dinner conversation and not something to base your future plans on.

Relationships can reduce the likelihood of depression and greatly decrease suicide.

Married men live longer that single men do.

On average 7,000 couples marry each day in the United States

90% of bird species are monogamous...3% of mammal species are monogamous

20% of men and 10% of women report cheating on their spouses

Men can read smaller print better than women can, but women can hear better

Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.

Coffee Break Romantics...
It's reported that more than 10,000 marriages a year now are directly traceable to romances which begin during coffee breaks.

Longer Living Kissers...
Husbands who kiss their wives before leaving home in the morning have been documented to live five years longer than those who do not.

FACT...fairly passionate kiss burns an average of 9 calories. - Betty Goldblatt, RD, MPH, The Kissing Diet

http://www.abetterus.com

Mistakes Guys Make in trying to attract women

2009-02-04T19:25:00.003-06:00

#1: Being too much of a "Nice Guy"
#2: Trying to"Convince Her To Like You"
#3: Looking to her for approval or permission
#4: Trying to "Buy" her affection
#5: Sharing "How You Feel" too early in the relationship
#6: Not "Getting" how attraction works with women
#7: Thinking that it takes money and looks to attract a women
#8: Not Knowing EXACTLY what to do in each type of situation with women
#9: Letting her call "All the Shots" in the relationship

Living together before marraige...Is it agood idea?

2008-07-20T21:04:00.000-05:00

Funny jokes

2008-06-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

Two zebras pondering

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

We're new but we're growing!

2008-06-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

We have been working feverishly adding more and more to our(your) site and thank you all for your suggestions and submissions. Please keep them coming and thanks again for helping us all be A Better Us!

Good relationships

2008-05-17T20:14:00.000-05:00

What makes a good relationship?

Does online Coaching/Counseling really work???

2008-03-19T06:49:00.000-05:00

With all the resources on the internet, how many people use them instead going to a counselors office? Does online counseling work??

Should You Avoid Conflict in your Marriage?

2008-03-19T06:41:00.000-05:00

Instead of arguing when you have a disagreement, is it better to just admit you are wrong and avoid the conflict completely?