You Won’t Divorce-Proof Your Marriage By Avoiding Fights

Making a marriage last is a 50/50 shot. That’s because half of all marriages end in divorce. Of course, yelling, complaining and name-calling make a break-up more likely to happen. A new study shows that even couples who treat each other with kid gloves when they disagree are just as likely to split up, too. Researchers at the University of Michigan followed nearly 400 married couples over 16 years, periodically checking on the state of their relationships. Most volunteers were in their 20s when the study began, and were interviewed in their home separately, and then with their spouse. The researchers paid close attention to how each couple dealt with conflict, and categorized each volunteer’s behavior in three ways:

·                     Destructive behavior, that included shouting at each other, throwing things, and name-calling.

·                     Constructive behavior, like listening to each other’s side of the story, and having a peaceful discussion.

·                     Withdrawal, where one or both partners said nothing, and went off to be alone.

The result: It’s a no-brainer that destructive behavior sent couples running for divorce court. Even couples where both spouses withdrew to a private place when they fought had a rocky relationship. The worst possible combination? Couples where one partner tackled problems head-on, but their mate withdrew, gave the “silent treatment” and ignored the issue at hand. The experts say, you won’t divorce-proof your marriage just by avoiding fights. That’s because couples who run from conflict are likely to build up resentment and lash out in passive-aggressive ways, which leads to more problems down the road. Your best bet: Discuss the issues as they pop up during your relationship, try to keep calm and listen to each other - and learn to compromise.