Ladies, here are the signs according to science and relationship expert Dr. Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.
If he’s into you, he’ll fuss over you. Let’s say you’re in mid-conversation and he reaches over to brush a piece of fuzz off your sweater – he isn’t focusing on your imperfections, he’s showing interest. Dr. Hogan calls it “lint picking.” Animals do it – they’ll swat bugs away from their mate, or groom each other. It’s an excuse to enter into your personal space.
Another sign of attraction? He’ll look slightly shocked. If you pay close attention, you’ll see a man slightly lift his eyebrows and look surprised while talking to you. It’s a subconscious reaction when a man sees something he likes.
Another clue that he’s into you? He’ll turn his chest toward you. According to anthropologist and relationship expert Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? - when a man points his chest in your direction, you’re on his radar. She says it’s the same as when a gorilla pounds his chest and roars – it’s a way to command attention. For a man, it means “Look at me! I’m important!”
One last sign that he’s into you: He’ll slouch his shoulders. Once you’re engaged in conversation, he’ll ditch the gorilla act and slump forward, rounding his shoulders to appear smaller. Dr. Hogan says slouching is a way for a man to seem more approachable and less threatening to a woman. His posture is sending the signal, “I’m on your level, let’s connect.” Anthropologist Dr. Fisher says his relaxed posture means he’s comfortable in your presence.
So let’s review: If he picks lint off your sweater, raises his eyebrows, turns his gorilla chest toward you, and then slouches once you’re talking – he’s into you.
Wednesday
On This Day:
Wednesday, November 25, 2009: Today is “Shopping Reminder Day,” which reminds shoppers that there are only 27 more shopping days (excluding Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve) before Christmas.
On this day in 2001 a private biotechnology clinic in Worcester, Massachusetts announced that it had created the first human embryos ever produced by cloning.
On this day in 1952 Agatha Christie’s murder-mystery play “The Mousetrap” premiered in London; it had the longest run in theater history.
Did You Know?
Did you know that the ‘dark meat’ in a turkey comes from its legs? The leg meat is darker because active muscles store a lot of oxygen, which gives them a darker color, and a turkey’s leg muscles are very active.
On this day in 2001 a private biotechnology clinic in Worcester, Massachusetts announced that it had created the first human embryos ever produced by cloning.
On this day in 1952 Agatha Christie’s murder-mystery play “The Mousetrap” premiered in London; it had the longest run in theater history.
Did You Know?
Did you know that the ‘dark meat’ in a turkey comes from its legs? The leg meat is darker because active muscles store a lot of oxygen, which gives them a darker color, and a turkey’s leg muscles are very active.
Tuesday
Parents can help make schools safer
Despite tragic shootings that have made national headlines, it’s important to remember that our nation’s schools usually are safe places where kids can learn and grow. Contrary to what you might hear in the media, since the early 1990s, there actually have been fewer violent crimes at schools. However, the potential for violence always exists. As a parent, you can play a role in preventing violence and bullying at your child’s school.
Concerned about your child’s safety?
Your first priority is likely to help your child stay safe. These tips may help you get started:
Get involved at school and in your community. Ask teachers and staff what’s being done to keep kids safe and how you can help. Consider volunteering at the school, working with a parent-teacher group or joining a neighborhood association that works to put a stop to violence.
Tune in. Listen to your children, and make efforts to talk with them each day about whatever is on their mind. Are there problems with other kids at school? Is anyone being bullied? Watch for signs of trouble, such as falling grades, loss of friends, mood swings or attempts to avoid school. Find out who your child can talk to at school, such as a teacher or counselor, if a violence issue arises.
Keep tabs on computer use. Be aware that bullying occurs on cell phones — often in the form of text messages — and the Internet. Ask your kids what they do online and who they chat with. Know what social networking sites, such as Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, your child belongs to. Teach them to be cautious about sharing information.
Be alert to your child’s activities and friends. Know where your children are, what they’re doing and who they spend time with.
Educate your child about bullying. Whether it involves teasing, threats or hitting, bullying can have serious consequences for the bullied child, including depression and damaged self-esteem. If your child is being bullied, consider these ways to respond provided by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration:
• Make sure children know that being bullied is not their fault.
• Let your children know that they don’t have to face being bullied alone. Tell them to report bullying immediately to a trusted adult.
• Teach ways of responding to bullies. For instance, tell your child not to react, but to walk away and get help if pursued.
• Contact the school and report what’s happening. Talk with teachers and other school staff to find solutions. If the situation doesn’t get resolved, consider contacting the police.
Concerned about your child’s conduct?
No parent wants to hear that his or her child has been bullying other children, but it can happen. You may be able to play a role in preventing violent behavior. Consider these suggestions:
Discuss violence with your child. Listen to his or her concerns. But, make it clear that you won’t tolerate violent behavior. Discuss the consequences of fighting and bullying, such as getting hurt and hurting others.
Be clear and consistent about rules. Explain to your child what the consequences will be for breaking rules, and follow through. This helps promote self-discipline, a skill that will help your child choose acceptable behaviors at school and throughout life.
Encourage your kids to avoid name-calling and teasing. This type of verbal behavior may turn physical. A victim of teasing may see violence as the only solution.
Help kids develop problem-solving skills. Teach your children nonviolent ways to handle anger and resolve conflict, such as taking a moment to gather their thoughts and talking calmly and clearly about problems.
Know the risks of keeping guns at home. If you choose to keep firearms in the house, lock up the guns and ammunition separately.
Be a role model. Settle your own conflicts and handle anger without violence.
For more resources, visit the Stop Bullying Now Campaign at www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov and the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center at www.safeyouth.org.
Concerned about your child’s safety?
Your first priority is likely to help your child stay safe. These tips may help you get started:
Get involved at school and in your community. Ask teachers and staff what’s being done to keep kids safe and how you can help. Consider volunteering at the school, working with a parent-teacher group or joining a neighborhood association that works to put a stop to violence.
Tune in. Listen to your children, and make efforts to talk with them each day about whatever is on their mind. Are there problems with other kids at school? Is anyone being bullied? Watch for signs of trouble, such as falling grades, loss of friends, mood swings or attempts to avoid school. Find out who your child can talk to at school, such as a teacher or counselor, if a violence issue arises.
Keep tabs on computer use. Be aware that bullying occurs on cell phones — often in the form of text messages — and the Internet. Ask your kids what they do online and who they chat with. Know what social networking sites, such as Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, your child belongs to. Teach them to be cautious about sharing information.
Be alert to your child’s activities and friends. Know where your children are, what they’re doing and who they spend time with.
Educate your child about bullying. Whether it involves teasing, threats or hitting, bullying can have serious consequences for the bullied child, including depression and damaged self-esteem. If your child is being bullied, consider these ways to respond provided by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration:
• Make sure children know that being bullied is not their fault.
• Let your children know that they don’t have to face being bullied alone. Tell them to report bullying immediately to a trusted adult.
• Teach ways of responding to bullies. For instance, tell your child not to react, but to walk away and get help if pursued.
• Contact the school and report what’s happening. Talk with teachers and other school staff to find solutions. If the situation doesn’t get resolved, consider contacting the police.
Concerned about your child’s conduct?
No parent wants to hear that his or her child has been bullying other children, but it can happen. You may be able to play a role in preventing violent behavior. Consider these suggestions:
Discuss violence with your child. Listen to his or her concerns. But, make it clear that you won’t tolerate violent behavior. Discuss the consequences of fighting and bullying, such as getting hurt and hurting others.
Be clear and consistent about rules. Explain to your child what the consequences will be for breaking rules, and follow through. This helps promote self-discipline, a skill that will help your child choose acceptable behaviors at school and throughout life.
Encourage your kids to avoid name-calling and teasing. This type of verbal behavior may turn physical. A victim of teasing may see violence as the only solution.
Help kids develop problem-solving skills. Teach your children nonviolent ways to handle anger and resolve conflict, such as taking a moment to gather their thoughts and talking calmly and clearly about problems.
Know the risks of keeping guns at home. If you choose to keep firearms in the house, lock up the guns and ammunition separately.
Be a role model. Settle your own conflicts and handle anger without violence.
For more resources, visit the Stop Bullying Now Campaign at www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov and the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center at www.safeyouth.org.
Money Issues You Should Talk About Before You Get Married
What’s one of the best ways to stay out of divorce court? Talk about your finances before you get married. David Popenoe is a professor of sociology at Rutgers University. He says the risk of any marriage ending in divorce is about 45%, but money plays a big role. Aside from infidelity – money is the biggest factor in divorces. So that’s why you have to work out your financial differences before getting married. Here are three money issues you need to talk about up front, courtesy of the New York Times.
Family history. How did your parents deal with money? How does that affect how you deal with it? How might that impact your relationship? Lisa J. B. Peterson is the founder of Lantern Financial, a Boston-based financial planning firm. She says that many of our money behaviors are learned. So, share your earliest money memories — whether your father hid money from your mom, or whether either parent had a problem with overspending. This can help shed a light on where each of you is coming from, and if you follow in those footsteps.
Your credit ratings. A credit report is a catalog of past mistakes and overall habits — loan payments you missed, the number of charge cards you’ve had and so on. That makes it a good starting point for a discussion about what you’ve learned or still need to learn about handling money. Second, if there are errors or low credit scores that you can improve, there may still be time to do that so you can get the best rates on a home loan and other loans down the road. So be honest about debt and credit scores before you say “I do” and merge your financial lives.
Have a conversation about how much money is “enough.” Just how rich would you like to be one day? If you want to afford the finer things, are you OK working 80 hours a week? Can your spouse handle acting as a single parent while you slave away? Or if you’re okay living on less – can you do without vacations, or can you live with just one car between the both of you? Jeff Kostis is a financial planner, and he says there’s no right or wrong answer. You need to understand, going into the marriage, what it’s going to take to have the life you want to live.
Family history. How did your parents deal with money? How does that affect how you deal with it? How might that impact your relationship? Lisa J. B. Peterson is the founder of Lantern Financial, a Boston-based financial planning firm. She says that many of our money behaviors are learned. So, share your earliest money memories — whether your father hid money from your mom, or whether either parent had a problem with overspending. This can help shed a light on where each of you is coming from, and if you follow in those footsteps.
Your credit ratings. A credit report is a catalog of past mistakes and overall habits — loan payments you missed, the number of charge cards you’ve had and so on. That makes it a good starting point for a discussion about what you’ve learned or still need to learn about handling money. Second, if there are errors or low credit scores that you can improve, there may still be time to do that so you can get the best rates on a home loan and other loans down the road. So be honest about debt and credit scores before you say “I do” and merge your financial lives.
Have a conversation about how much money is “enough.” Just how rich would you like to be one day? If you want to afford the finer things, are you OK working 80 hours a week? Can your spouse handle acting as a single parent while you slave away? Or if you’re okay living on less – can you do without vacations, or can you live with just one car between the both of you? Jeff Kostis is a financial planner, and he says there’s no right or wrong answer. You need to understand, going into the marriage, what it’s going to take to have the life you want to live.
On This Day:
Tuesday, November 24, 2009: Today is “Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day.” We all have at least one extraordinary - and many times weird - ability. Now’s the time to get out there and indulge in yours!
This week is national “Teens Don’t Text and Drive Week.” The Etiquette & Leadership Institute sponsors this event during the heavily traveled Thanksgiving week. The goal is to teach teens across America about the importance of driving safely, not just during Thanksgiving week, but every week.
On this day in 1859 Charles Darwin’s monumental work, On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life was published by London publisher John Murray. The print run of 1,250 sold out the same day. The book immediately generated a firestorm of public and private discussion.
Did You Know?
Did you know a male turkey is called a tom or a gobbler, a female turkey is a hen, and a baby turkey is called a poult or chick? A young male turkey is called a jake and a young female is called a jenny. A whole group of turkeys – that’s called a flock.
This week is national “Teens Don’t Text and Drive Week.” The Etiquette & Leadership Institute sponsors this event during the heavily traveled Thanksgiving week. The goal is to teach teens across America about the importance of driving safely, not just during Thanksgiving week, but every week.
On this day in 1859 Charles Darwin’s monumental work, On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life was published by London publisher John Murray. The print run of 1,250 sold out the same day. The book immediately generated a firestorm of public and private discussion.
Did You Know?
Did you know a male turkey is called a tom or a gobbler, a female turkey is a hen, and a baby turkey is called a poult or chick? A young male turkey is called a jake and a young female is called a jenny. A whole group of turkeys – that’s called a flock.
Monday
Advice That Will Help Your Marriage Last
Check out these statistics: About 40% of kids are growing up with divorced parents, and a record-breaking 40% of babies born last year had unmarried parents. So if you’re married, how can you make it last? Try these tips from ABC News:
Learn to communicate. Without proper communication, a marriage is doomed. So if something’s bothering you, don’t bottle it up. Instead, approach your spouse calmly and use the word “I” – as in “I don’t enjoy doing the dishes every night.” When you use the word “I,” it doesn’t sound like your blaming your spouse, and they’ll be more likely to listen. Remember: You need to listen to your spouse, too. If you don’t listen, you’re not communicating with your spouse – you’re lecturing them. So if you bring up the issue with the dishes – and your spouse wants to talk about how they do all of the cooking – you need to hear them out. Then, come up with a solution to your problems together. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it.
Embrace change. Your lives are going to change, and problems will pop up along the way. Remember this: Marriage can actually help you get through the tough times. Researchers in England found that since couples tend to tackle problems together, it slashes stress levels because they’re not handling the issue by themselves. So accept the fact that you can’t control everything – and that your spouse will help you get through the tough times.
Stay positive. How can you have a happy marriage if you only focus on your spouse’s negative qualities? So try this: Instead of thinking, “I love my spouse, but they’re messy and forgetful.” Change that to, “I love my spouse AND they’re messy and forgetful.” It’ll help you get your head around the idea that nobody’s perfect – and that you can love everything about your spouse, even the negative parts.
Learn to communicate. Without proper communication, a marriage is doomed. So if something’s bothering you, don’t bottle it up. Instead, approach your spouse calmly and use the word “I” – as in “I don’t enjoy doing the dishes every night.” When you use the word “I,” it doesn’t sound like your blaming your spouse, and they’ll be more likely to listen. Remember: You need to listen to your spouse, too. If you don’t listen, you’re not communicating with your spouse – you’re lecturing them. So if you bring up the issue with the dishes – and your spouse wants to talk about how they do all of the cooking – you need to hear them out. Then, come up with a solution to your problems together. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it.
Embrace change. Your lives are going to change, and problems will pop up along the way. Remember this: Marriage can actually help you get through the tough times. Researchers in England found that since couples tend to tackle problems together, it slashes stress levels because they’re not handling the issue by themselves. So accept the fact that you can’t control everything – and that your spouse will help you get through the tough times.
Stay positive. How can you have a happy marriage if you only focus on your spouse’s negative qualities? So try this: Instead of thinking, “I love my spouse, but they’re messy and forgetful.” Change that to, “I love my spouse AND they’re messy and forgetful.” It’ll help you get your head around the idea that nobody’s perfect – and that you can love everything about your spouse, even the negative parts.
On This Day:
Monday, November 23, 2009: Today marks the beginning of “Better Conversation Week.” This special week can strengthen personal bonds through meaningful, enjoyable talk among friends and family members.
http://www.conversation-matters.com/
Today also marks the anniversary of the first play-by-play football game radio broadcast. In 1919, Texas A&M and the University of Texas were the first teams to have their game on the air! Texas A&M won 7-0.
On this day in 1936 the illustrated magazine Life debuted. The first cover featured a dramatic photograph by Margaret Bourke-White of Fort Peck Dam.
Did You Know?
Did you know the average taste bud lives only 10 days before it dies and is replaced by a new one?
http://www.conversation-matters.com/
Today also marks the anniversary of the first play-by-play football game radio broadcast. In 1919, Texas A&M and the University of Texas were the first teams to have their game on the air! Texas A&M won 7-0.
On this day in 1936 the illustrated magazine Life debuted. The first cover featured a dramatic photograph by Margaret Bourke-White of Fort Peck Dam.
Did You Know?
Did you know the average taste bud lives only 10 days before it dies and is replaced by a new one?
Friday
Jealousy
Relationships can be hard to maintain on a healthy level with all the stress of daily life. Why add more stress by adding jealousy into the mix? Jealousy is a waste of energy and time and can even drive your partner toward infidelity. Let's face it, jealousy spawns from only a few reasons. Lack of trust, low self confidence, or you have the hottest guy/gal within 100 miles and don't want anyone to take them away. With that said, no matter how hard you try, how closely you follow their every move, no matter how insanely JEALOUS you become, you cannot stop your partner from straying, if they are determined to do so, like it or not! What can you do you ask? You can be yourself, trust them, until proven otherwise, and direct your attention to making your relationship as refreshing and new as possible. Take pride in the fact that your guy or gal is attractive and appealing enough that other people take interest in them and remind your partner that your still crazy about him or her. In a nutshell, Jealousy is a waste of time!
You Should Be Grateful for Your Kids
Right now, I have something for every parent. They may drive us crazy sometimes, but Thanksgiving is a time to remember why we are grateful for our kids. Woman’s Day parenting contributor Paula Spencer has put it into perspective for us. Here’s what she says we should be giving thanks for this year.
Thanks for the hard questions, even the embarrassing ones. Children keep your mind working. They make us pros at coming up with clever come-backs to questions like, “Why is that lady’s head so big?” “Ummm, because she has a lot of brains, son.” What parent hasn’t had to summon their high school science lessons to explain why the sky is blue, or whether tomatoes are a fruit or a vegetable? We’re always exercising our brains just to keep up.
Thanks for taking 10 minutes to put on shoes - when we should’ve been out the door 10 minutes ago. Watching a child get herself dressed, or slowly and methodically consume a single graham cracker, is a lesson in not just patience - but appreciation. These days, so many of us are constantly in rush-mode that we automatically get huffy when we have to wait, even when the 10 minutes don’t really matter. It’s good to be reminded to stop and smell the roses or taste the graham crackers.
Thanks for the empty bankbook: Diapers, daycare food, hightops, laptops, more food, prom dresses, and college. If you want to see your money grow, just take a look at your kids as they grow. There’s no better investment than children. What they eventually give to society is a reflection of what you’ve given to them. What’s more - Spencer says it’s even better than winning the lottery when they go on to look out for us in our old age.
Thanks for the hard questions, even the embarrassing ones. Children keep your mind working. They make us pros at coming up with clever come-backs to questions like, “Why is that lady’s head so big?” “Ummm, because she has a lot of brains, son.” What parent hasn’t had to summon their high school science lessons to explain why the sky is blue, or whether tomatoes are a fruit or a vegetable? We’re always exercising our brains just to keep up.
Thanks for taking 10 minutes to put on shoes - when we should’ve been out the door 10 minutes ago. Watching a child get herself dressed, or slowly and methodically consume a single graham cracker, is a lesson in not just patience - but appreciation. These days, so many of us are constantly in rush-mode that we automatically get huffy when we have to wait, even when the 10 minutes don’t really matter. It’s good to be reminded to stop and smell the roses or taste the graham crackers.
Thanks for the empty bankbook: Diapers, daycare food, hightops, laptops, more food, prom dresses, and college. If you want to see your money grow, just take a look at your kids as they grow. There’s no better investment than children. What they eventually give to society is a reflection of what you’ve given to them. What’s more - Spencer says it’s even better than winning the lottery when they go on to look out for us in our old age.
On This Day:
Friday, November 20, 2009: On this day in 1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson announced the formation of the National Commission of Product Safety.
Today is “Name Your PC Day.” Hey why not? People name their boats! There are lot more PCs than boats these days. However, “Blinky” is already taken.
It is also the United Nations “Universal Children’s Day” - a time to honor children with special ceremonies and festivals and a day designed to make children’s needs known to governments.
www.un.com
Did You Know?
Did you know that people work faster and make fewer mistakes in brightly lit rooms? So turn on an extra lamp if you want to get more done.
Today is “Name Your PC Day.” Hey why not? People name their boats! There are lot more PCs than boats these days. However, “Blinky” is already taken.
It is also the United Nations “Universal Children’s Day” - a time to honor children with special ceremonies and festivals and a day designed to make children’s needs known to governments.
www.un.com
Did You Know?
Did you know that people work faster and make fewer mistakes in brightly lit rooms? So turn on an extra lamp if you want to get more done.
Thursday
You Should Talk to Your Kids About Their Relationships
You Should Talk to Your Kids About Their Relationships
If you aren’t meddling in your kid’s dating life, you might want to start! According to the Wall Street Journal a recent study shows that kids, whose parents talk to them about their romances, are more likely to have better quality relationships later in life. Dr. Stephanie Madsen is the study’s lead author. She looked at the relationships of more than 200 young people and found that when parents take their teenager’s relationships seriously, the teens have stronger, healthier connections to their boyfriends or girlfriends. However, if parents take a “hands-off” approach, teens say their relationships have more conflict, and less affection and support. It turns out that young love is even more important than the experts thought.
A recent study published in Child Development magazine, found that even middle school relationships have an impact on kid’s future mental health. According to the study, middle school kids in healthy relationships, continued to be mentally and socially healthier in high school. Kids who made bad relationship choices, continued to make bad relationship choices in high school and reported more depression and aggressive behavior.
So how do you get the conversation started with your kid? Spend a lot of down-time together to give them the chance to bring up the topic themselves. When they do, listen to them and give an honest opinion, but avoid giving orders or being too judgmental about the relationship. Young people see that as you downplaying their independence, and they'll just shut down. Dr. Madsen says, according to her research, kids tend to respond better when parents listen more and only give advice when they’re asked. This might sound a little like you’re being a friend and not a parent, but according to Madsen, you’re helping your child make smarter, more mature choices about who they date. Doing that will help them have healthier relationships overall.
If you aren’t meddling in your kid’s dating life, you might want to start! According to the Wall Street Journal a recent study shows that kids, whose parents talk to them about their romances, are more likely to have better quality relationships later in life. Dr. Stephanie Madsen is the study’s lead author. She looked at the relationships of more than 200 young people and found that when parents take their teenager’s relationships seriously, the teens have stronger, healthier connections to their boyfriends or girlfriends. However, if parents take a “hands-off” approach, teens say their relationships have more conflict, and less affection and support. It turns out that young love is even more important than the experts thought.
A recent study published in Child Development magazine, found that even middle school relationships have an impact on kid’s future mental health. According to the study, middle school kids in healthy relationships, continued to be mentally and socially healthier in high school. Kids who made bad relationship choices, continued to make bad relationship choices in high school and reported more depression and aggressive behavior.
So how do you get the conversation started with your kid? Spend a lot of down-time together to give them the chance to bring up the topic themselves. When they do, listen to them and give an honest opinion, but avoid giving orders or being too judgmental about the relationship. Young people see that as you downplaying their independence, and they'll just shut down. Dr. Madsen says, according to her research, kids tend to respond better when parents listen more and only give advice when they’re asked. This might sound a little like you’re being a friend and not a parent, but according to Madsen, you’re helping your child make smarter, more mature choices about who they date. Doing that will help them have healthier relationships overall.
On This Day:
Thursday, November 19, 2009: Today is the anniversary of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. In 1863, 17 acres of the battlefield at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, were dedicated as a national cemetery. Noted orator Edward Everett spoke for two hours; the address that Lincoln delivered in less than two minutes was later recognized as one of the most eloquent of the English language.
On this day in 1990 the Cold War formally ended. A summit was held at Paris with the leaders of the Conference on Security and Cooperation in Europe (CSCE). The highlight of the summit was the signing of a treaty to dramatically reduce conventional weapons in Europe, thereby ending the Cold War.
On this day in 1954 the first automatic toll collection machine was placed in service at the Union Toll Plaza on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway. The first modern toll road was the Pennsylvania Turnpike, which opened in 1940.
Did You Know?
Did you know that 100-years ago, 3% of us were lefties? Today, it's at least 11%. What’s the deal? University College London thinks the increase is because most parents no longer try forcing their kids to use their right hand anymore
On this day in 1990 the Cold War formally ended. A summit was held at Paris with the leaders of the Conference on Security and Cooperation in Europe (CSCE). The highlight of the summit was the signing of a treaty to dramatically reduce conventional weapons in Europe, thereby ending the Cold War.
On this day in 1954 the first automatic toll collection machine was placed in service at the Union Toll Plaza on New Jersey’s Garden State Parkway. The first modern toll road was the Pennsylvania Turnpike, which opened in 1940.
Did You Know?
Did you know that 100-years ago, 3% of us were lefties? Today, it's at least 11%. What’s the deal? University College London thinks the increase is because most parents no longer try forcing their kids to use their right hand anymore
Wednesday
Want to get closer to the one you love?
Here’s how, according to married psychologists John and Julie Gottman. They’ve been studying relationships for so long that 96% of the time, they can predict how healthy a couple’s relationship is by observing them have a three minute conversation. So here are their strategies for connecting.
Be less direct. Now, that doesn’t mean to stifle your feelings, just soften them. The way you start conversations has a big effect on the overall quality of your relationship. If you launch into something with criticisms, contempt or harsh words, it makes your partner withdraw or become defensive. So the next time you need to bring something up, instead of attacking them with “I’m sick of going out with your buddies every weekend!” Try, “I feel like spending time along together. How ‘bout we have a dinner and movie date on Saturday night?” You partner is more likely to hear what you’re trying to say.
Next, it’s okay to get angry. Anger can spur you to make positive changes. If you hold it in, it’ll build up until you get so resentful that you explode. But anger is not name calling, blaming, or digging up past issues. No one’s going to listen if they feel they’re being criticized or attacked. You need to share responsibility for the problem. Focus on what’s happening now, and focus on the actions that are upsetting you, not the person. Here’s an example: Instead of “You waste all our money and that’s why we can never afford a vacation!” Try, “We should work on a budget so we can afford a vacation. We haven’t been away in 2 years.” Another example: Don’t say, “You haven’t cooked one meal since we’ve been together! Don’t you know how hard it is for me to do everything!” That’s bringing up the past. Instead say, “You said you’d get dinner started but you’re still watching TV.”
Be less direct. Now, that doesn’t mean to stifle your feelings, just soften them. The way you start conversations has a big effect on the overall quality of your relationship. If you launch into something with criticisms, contempt or harsh words, it makes your partner withdraw or become defensive. So the next time you need to bring something up, instead of attacking them with “I’m sick of going out with your buddies every weekend!” Try, “I feel like spending time along together. How ‘bout we have a dinner and movie date on Saturday night?” You partner is more likely to hear what you’re trying to say.
Next, it’s okay to get angry. Anger can spur you to make positive changes. If you hold it in, it’ll build up until you get so resentful that you explode. But anger is not name calling, blaming, or digging up past issues. No one’s going to listen if they feel they’re being criticized or attacked. You need to share responsibility for the problem. Focus on what’s happening now, and focus on the actions that are upsetting you, not the person. Here’s an example: Instead of “You waste all our money and that’s why we can never afford a vacation!” Try, “We should work on a budget so we can afford a vacation. We haven’t been away in 2 years.” Another example: Don’t say, “You haven’t cooked one meal since we’ve been together! Don’t you know how hard it is for me to do everything!” That’s bringing up the past. Instead say, “You said you’d get dinner started but you’re still watching TV.”
On This Day:
Wednesday, November 18, 2009: Today is Mickey Mouse’s 81st birthday. The comical activities of squeaky-voiced Mickey Mouse first appeared in 1928, on the screen of the Colony Theatre in New York City. The film, Walt Disney’s “Steamboat Willie” was the first animated cartoon talking picture.
On this day in 1963 push-button telephones went into service as an alternative to rotary-dial phones. Touch-tone service was available as an option at an extra charge. This option was only available in two Pennsylvania cities.
On this day in 1883, American and Canadian railroads began using four continental time zones to end the confusion of dealing with thousands of local times. Most Americans and Canadians quickly embraced the new time zones, since railroads were often their lifeblood and main link with the rest of the world. However, it was not until 1918 that Congress officially adopted the railroad time zones and put them under the supervision of the Interstate Commerce Commission.
Did You Know?
Did you know that sticking to one lane when you drive could help you get up to four more miles per gallon? Why? Hitting the gas to pass somebody causes the engine to surge, decreasing fuel efficiency. Plus, switching lanes all the time can be dangerous.
On this day in 1963 push-button telephones went into service as an alternative to rotary-dial phones. Touch-tone service was available as an option at an extra charge. This option was only available in two Pennsylvania cities.
On this day in 1883, American and Canadian railroads began using four continental time zones to end the confusion of dealing with thousands of local times. Most Americans and Canadians quickly embraced the new time zones, since railroads were often their lifeblood and main link with the rest of the world. However, it was not until 1918 that Congress officially adopted the railroad time zones and put them under the supervision of the Interstate Commerce Commission.
Did You Know?
Did you know that sticking to one lane when you drive could help you get up to four more miles per gallon? Why? Hitting the gas to pass somebody causes the engine to surge, decreasing fuel efficiency. Plus, switching lanes all the time can be dangerous.
Tuesday
The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting
Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “dont's” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:
DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.
However, after your first date: DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.
DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.
By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.
DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.
However, after your first date: DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.
DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.
By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.
On This Day:
Tuesday, November 17, 2009: Today is the anniversary of the accession of Elizabeth I to the English throne. The Elizabethan age began on this day in 1553 with the passing of Elizabeth’s half-sister, Queen Mary I. The long reign of Elizabeth, coincided with the flowering of the English Renaissance, associated with such renowned authors as William Shakespeare. By her death in 1603, England became a major world power in every respect, and Queen Elizabeth I passed into history as one of England’s greatest monarchs.
Today is “Homemade Bread Day,” a day for the family to remember and enjoy the making, baking and eating of nutritious homemade bread.
On this day in 1800 the U.S. Congress convened for the first time in the partially completed Capitol building.
Did You Know?
Did you know that certain fruits can help soothe bug bites? Papaya and pineapple contain enzymes that break down the protein toxins in bee-sting and bug-bite venoms that cause pain and swelling. Just cut open the fruit and rub the fleshy part onto the sore spot.
Today is “Homemade Bread Day,” a day for the family to remember and enjoy the making, baking and eating of nutritious homemade bread.
On this day in 1800 the U.S. Congress convened for the first time in the partially completed Capitol building.
Did You Know?
Did you know that certain fruits can help soothe bug bites? Papaya and pineapple contain enzymes that break down the protein toxins in bee-sting and bug-bite venoms that cause pain and swelling. Just cut open the fruit and rub the fleshy part onto the sore spot.
Saturday
Bad Reasons to Break Up
Sometimes it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but some couples throw in the towel before they’ve really tried to make it work. They think some problems are impossible to work through. So, here are a few BAD reasons to break up. These are from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of Falling in relationship for All the Right Reasons:
The first bad break-up reason: You've had a big fight. Disagreeing is inevitable – you know that. What you may not know is that having a conflict with your partner will strengthen your bond in the long run. Psychologists agree that the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. It helps you understand your partner better - what sets them off, what makes them tick. So don’t head for the door when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Stay put and talk it out.
Bad breakup reason #2: Your partner finds other people attractive. Yes, you’ve captured your partner’s heart - but you haven’t poked out their eyes! Physically attractive people are everywhere - on TV, on billboards, and yes - even in the local supermarket. The experts say it’s naïve to think that these people will go unnoticed. In a good, committed relationship, people aren’t cut off to external influences – including you. It’s acting on those influences that’s a recipe for disaster. So no matter where you are or who you’re with – act as if your partner can hear and see everything you’re doing.
One last bad reason to break-up: The relationship doesn’t always make you happy. Here’s a newsflash: your relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. You’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all your hobbies and ambitions because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs - you’ve made a fatally BAD MOVE. That’s too much pressure for your partner, and too high of an expectation from your relationship. So take responsibility for your own happiness. If you don’t, you’ll just keep jumping from partner to partner, because ultimately, nobody can make you happy but yourself.
The first bad break-up reason: You've had a big fight. Disagreeing is inevitable – you know that. What you may not know is that having a conflict with your partner will strengthen your bond in the long run. Psychologists agree that the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. It helps you understand your partner better - what sets them off, what makes them tick. So don’t head for the door when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Stay put and talk it out.
Bad breakup reason #2: Your partner finds other people attractive. Yes, you’ve captured your partner’s heart - but you haven’t poked out their eyes! Physically attractive people are everywhere - on TV, on billboards, and yes - even in the local supermarket. The experts say it’s naïve to think that these people will go unnoticed. In a good, committed relationship, people aren’t cut off to external influences – including you. It’s acting on those influences that’s a recipe for disaster. So no matter where you are or who you’re with – act as if your partner can hear and see everything you’re doing.
One last bad reason to break-up: The relationship doesn’t always make you happy. Here’s a newsflash: your relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. You’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all your hobbies and ambitions because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs - you’ve made a fatally BAD MOVE. That’s too much pressure for your partner, and too high of an expectation from your relationship. So take responsibility for your own happiness. If you don’t, you’ll just keep jumping from partner to partner, because ultimately, nobody can make you happy but yourself.
Love at First Sight Really Does Exist
Is there really such a thing as love at first sight? A lot of scientists say, “Yes.” That it’s definitely possible to realize you’ve met “The One” within three minutes of laying eyes on them. Dr. Helen Fisher is the author of Why Him? Why Her? She says that from the beginning of time, humans have been designed to instantly sort out friends from enemies. In ancient times, it helped keep people safe. Today, we use those same skills to size up a potential partner. Here are the facts on attraction:
First, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive, which means, your brain immediately eliminates anyone who’s too short or too tall for you, too old or too young, or too scruffy or too well-scrubbed for your taste.
Next, if they fit your general concept of “The One,” you focus on their voice. Once again, you decide whether you like it in a matter of seconds. So, what are we looking for in a voice? Women think men with full, deep voices are better looking than they really are. Men are more attracted to women with higher-pitched voices, or who sound breathy, like Marilyn Monroe. Studies show that men and women think people who speak faster are smarter.
What else happens in the first three minutes of meeting someone? You judge their words. Studies show that we tend to like people who use the same kinds of words we do, whether they’re short words or long words, descriptive words, or scientific words, formal words or slang. Dr. Fisher says you’re more likely to fall in love at first sight if your first conversation turns to something you think is important - like music, kids, or work – and you’re both totally in agreement.
Of course, love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone. Researchers at Ben-Gurion University in Israel found that only 11% of people say their long-term relationships started at “hello.” However, if you like someone even slightly, the more similar you are – as far as your values, education, background and morals - the more the attraction will grow over time. Whether it’s love at first sight – or love in hindsight – those first three minutes can make or break your romance.
First, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive, which means, your brain immediately eliminates anyone who’s too short or too tall for you, too old or too young, or too scruffy or too well-scrubbed for your taste.
Next, if they fit your general concept of “The One,” you focus on their voice. Once again, you decide whether you like it in a matter of seconds. So, what are we looking for in a voice? Women think men with full, deep voices are better looking than they really are. Men are more attracted to women with higher-pitched voices, or who sound breathy, like Marilyn Monroe. Studies show that men and women think people who speak faster are smarter.
What else happens in the first three minutes of meeting someone? You judge their words. Studies show that we tend to like people who use the same kinds of words we do, whether they’re short words or long words, descriptive words, or scientific words, formal words or slang. Dr. Fisher says you’re more likely to fall in love at first sight if your first conversation turns to something you think is important - like music, kids, or work – and you’re both totally in agreement.
Of course, love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone. Researchers at Ben-Gurion University in Israel found that only 11% of people say their long-term relationships started at “hello.” However, if you like someone even slightly, the more similar you are – as far as your values, education, background and morals - the more the attraction will grow over time. Whether it’s love at first sight – or love in hindsight – those first three minutes can make or break your romance.
Friday
The Secrets of Happy Couples
Most couples focus on avoiding conflict, but happy couples know to maximize the positive – even if it means a little teasing every now and then. Want to be one of those couples? Here’s how, courtesy of Psychology Today magazine.
Poke fun at each other. Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He says that playfulness is one of the first casualties of a busy life. When your days consist of nothing but working, paying bills, cleaning and sleeping, play can disappear from your relationship. You have to keep it alive, by joking around and even using silly nicknames. You may think a serious talk is the best way to handle a serious situation, but Keltner says that couples who tease each other in the heat of a conflict actually feel more connected when things are resolved.
Notice what’s new about your partner. Ellen Langer is a psychologist at Harvard University. She says that most of us get so familiar with our partners that we stop noticing them. Just because you’ve stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing. So, make it a point to detect differences, and each time you do this, look for three things about your partner that have changed since the last time you looked. Langer calls this “mindful awareness.” She points to one study which found that when non-football fans watched a game while writing down things they noticed about the players and the stadium, they became more enthusiastic about the sport.
Put it in writing. A study from the University of Texas found that when couples wrote about their relationship for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, they were more likely to be going strong three years later. They also sent more positive instant messages. So, the next time you think fondly about your partner, write it down. Even better - share what you wrote with them.
Poke fun at each other. Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He says that playfulness is one of the first casualties of a busy life. When your days consist of nothing but working, paying bills, cleaning and sleeping, play can disappear from your relationship. You have to keep it alive, by joking around and even using silly nicknames. You may think a serious talk is the best way to handle a serious situation, but Keltner says that couples who tease each other in the heat of a conflict actually feel more connected when things are resolved.
Notice what’s new about your partner. Ellen Langer is a psychologist at Harvard University. She says that most of us get so familiar with our partners that we stop noticing them. Just because you’ve stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing. So, make it a point to detect differences, and each time you do this, look for three things about your partner that have changed since the last time you looked. Langer calls this “mindful awareness.” She points to one study which found that when non-football fans watched a game while writing down things they noticed about the players and the stadium, they became more enthusiastic about the sport.
Put it in writing. A study from the University of Texas found that when couples wrote about their relationship for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, they were more likely to be going strong three years later. They also sent more positive instant messages. So, the next time you think fondly about your partner, write it down. Even better - share what you wrote with them.
On This Day:
Friday, November 13, 2009: The Kindness Movement has gone global! Today is recognized as “World Kindness Day,” formed by USA, Australia, Canada, Thailand, Japan, Singapore and England. It represents the pledge of each of these countries to join together to build a kinder and more compassionate world.
http://www.actsofkindness.org/
Today is “Guinness World Records Day,” a day to celebrate ordinary people around the world doing extraordinary things. Also, this is a day to encourage individuals to reach into their imaginations and attempt to break their own Guinness World Record.
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/
On this day in 1982 the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, D.C. The names of more than 58,000 lost soldiers were inscribed on a long wall of polished black granite.
Did You Know?
Do you know why leaves fall from trees this time of year? It’s because the veins that carry fluids in and out of the leaves gradually close off. When they do, the leaves turn brown and fall off. The best place to see gorgeous fall foliage, according to MSN.com, is the Appalachian Trail in Lanesborough, Massachusetts.
http://www.actsofkindness.org/
Today is “Guinness World Records Day,” a day to celebrate ordinary people around the world doing extraordinary things. Also, this is a day to encourage individuals to reach into their imaginations and attempt to break their own Guinness World Record.
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/
On this day in 1982 the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, D.C. The names of more than 58,000 lost soldiers were inscribed on a long wall of polished black granite.
Did You Know?
Do you know why leaves fall from trees this time of year? It’s because the veins that carry fluids in and out of the leaves gradually close off. When they do, the leaves turn brown and fall off. The best place to see gorgeous fall foliage, according to MSN.com, is the Appalachian Trail in Lanesborough, Massachusetts.
Thursday
On this Day:
In 1786, a lovesick Thomas Jefferson composes a romantic and introspective letter to a woman named Maria Cosway. Early in 1786, widower Thomas Jefferson met Maria Cosway in Paris while he was serving as the U.S. minister to France. Cosway was born to English parents in Italy and, by the time she met Jefferson, had become an accomplished painter and musician. She was also married. The two developed a deep friendship and possibly more, although a sexual relationship has never been proven.
Five months after the release of his phenomenally successful second album, Thriller, Michael Jackson performs the “moonwalk” on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special to his hit song “Billie Jean” on this day in 1983. (He had introduced the move in front of a live audience earlier that year.)
On this day in 1954, Ellis Island, the gateway to America, shuts it doors after processing more than 12 million immigrants since opening in 1892. Today, an estimated 40 percent of all Americans can trace their roots through Ellis Island, located in New York Harbor off the New Jersey coast and named for merchant Samuel Ellis, who owned the land in the 1770s.
Five months after the release of his phenomenally successful second album, Thriller, Michael Jackson performs the “moonwalk” on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special to his hit song “Billie Jean” on this day in 1983. (He had introduced the move in front of a live audience earlier that year.)
On this day in 1954, Ellis Island, the gateway to America, shuts it doors after processing more than 12 million immigrants since opening in 1892. Today, an estimated 40 percent of all Americans can trace their roots through Ellis Island, located in New York Harbor off the New Jersey coast and named for merchant Samuel Ellis, who owned the land in the 1770s.
Tuesday
Parents, listen up! Bullies have changed since we were in school.
Children are FIVE TIMES more likely to be bullied today than they were 20 years ago. According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, 1 out of every 3 kids will be bullied this year. But the problem is - kids who are being bullied aren't always comfortable talking about it. So, if your child suddenly loses interest in school or other activities, chances are there's a problem. Here's what you can do to help your kids stay safe:
Take action immediately. Visit the principal and report as many details of the incident as you can and don't leave until you hear what the school plans to do about it.
Encourage your child to stay in groups. Bullies like to pick on kids who are by themselves.
If your child is being bullied Tell them to remain calm. Getting upset is just what the bully wants. Help them practice saying something like, "Stop that right now" in a quiet voice and fight or bully back.
Want to know more? Check out the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website.
Take action immediately. Visit the principal and report as many details of the incident as you can and don't leave until you hear what the school plans to do about it.
Encourage your child to stay in groups. Bullies like to pick on kids who are by themselves.
If your child is being bullied Tell them to remain calm. Getting upset is just what the bully wants. Help them practice saying something like, "Stop that right now" in a quiet voice and fight or bully back.
Want to know more? Check out the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website.
Friday
If a break-up has left you broken-hearted, I have good news!
Researchers at the University of Arizona studied couples to see what sort of emotional first aid helped after a split. Here’s their scientific system for getting over your break-up and on with your life, courtesy of Psychology Today:
Absence makes the heart heal faster. Maybe one day you and your ex will be buds, but the research shows that right after the break-up, the less you see of each other - the faster you’ll heal.
Get rid of your ‘couple stuff.’ Whether you donate the waffle iron he gave you to charity or pack up pictures and put them in the attic, you’ll feel better if you’re not constantly reminded of what might have been.
Be ready to get mad. As time passes, feelings of anger will replace your sadness. That’s part of the process. Don’t give into the urge to fire off an angry email. You’ll go backwards if you do.
Put down the brownies and pick up the phone. There’s nothing to be gained by sitting at home and bonding with comfort food. You’ll get your mind off your troubles and feel better sooner by spending time with friends.
That’s the proven way to get over a broken-heart.
Absence makes the heart heal faster. Maybe one day you and your ex will be buds, but the research shows that right after the break-up, the less you see of each other - the faster you’ll heal.
Get rid of your ‘couple stuff.’ Whether you donate the waffle iron he gave you to charity or pack up pictures and put them in the attic, you’ll feel better if you’re not constantly reminded of what might have been.
Be ready to get mad. As time passes, feelings of anger will replace your sadness. That’s part of the process. Don’t give into the urge to fire off an angry email. You’ll go backwards if you do.
Put down the brownies and pick up the phone. There’s nothing to be gained by sitting at home and bonding with comfort food. You’ll get your mind off your troubles and feel better sooner by spending time with friends.
That’s the proven way to get over a broken-heart.
Thursday
How do you know when somebody likes you? Two words: body language!
How do you know when somebody likes you? Two words: body language! So, next time you’re on a date, here are the signs to look for – and the signs to put out there - if you’re interested in getting to date number 2. These tips come from David Givens, author of Love Signals: The Body Language of Courtship:
· One of the first signals that someone is interested in you is: rapid eye blinking. The average person blinks 20 times a minute. But if they blink faster than that, they’re either under stress – or they’re attracted to you.
· Then there’s the mimic. If someone’s “into” you, they’ll mimic your behavior. For example, if you stretch, yawn, or lean, they do it, too. It means they’re paying attention to your actions and displaying a natural rapport. So, if you want your date to know you’re interested, make a point to mimic their behavior.
· Another way to tell someone likes you is if they touch anything you usually carry……Like your cell phone, pen, or purse. Those things are called “body extensions,” and touching them means they may be getting ready to touch your hand.
· There’s also the male reach. Men often reach toward someone they find attractive……Without making actual physical contact.
For example, he reaches toward you across the table, and pats the tablecloth for emphasis.
· And finally, there’s the hair preen. People tend to touch their hair, twirl the ends, or run their fingers through it when they’re near someone they like. Why? Because it calls attention to their face.
If you’d like to go further, the book is Love Signals: The Body Language of Courtship by David Givens.
· One of the first signals that someone is interested in you is: rapid eye blinking. The average person blinks 20 times a minute. But if they blink faster than that, they’re either under stress – or they’re attracted to you.
· Then there’s the mimic. If someone’s “into” you, they’ll mimic your behavior. For example, if you stretch, yawn, or lean, they do it, too. It means they’re paying attention to your actions and displaying a natural rapport. So, if you want your date to know you’re interested, make a point to mimic their behavior.
· Another way to tell someone likes you is if they touch anything you usually carry……Like your cell phone, pen, or purse. Those things are called “body extensions,” and touching them means they may be getting ready to touch your hand.
· There’s also the male reach. Men often reach toward someone they find attractive……Without making actual physical contact.
For example, he reaches toward you across the table, and pats the tablecloth for emphasis.
· And finally, there’s the hair preen. People tend to touch their hair, twirl the ends, or run their fingers through it when they’re near someone they like. Why? Because it calls attention to their face.
If you’d like to go further, the book is Love Signals: The Body Language of Courtship by David Givens.
Wednesday
Three-Step Plan to Stop Chronic Bickering
“How many times have I told you?” If that phrase sounds familiar, your marriage could be in trouble. Laurie Puhn is an attorney who specializes in family mediation and the author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. She believes that constantly arguing over little things - like your husband putting his dirty towel on the floor - erodes trust and stops you from working as a team. So, here are her three steps for ending chronic bickering:
Step #1: Take a seat. When you feel your next fight brewing, say something like, "Honey, can you please sit down, we need to talk.” Puhn says this accomplishes three things: First, it gives you a few moments to calm down. Second, it lets your partner know that the issue is serious and needs to be resolved. Third: the act of sitting drains energy from the fight, so things won’t get as heated.
Step #2: Find out what’s really going on - but don’t ask "why" questions, like "Why can’t you ever do what I ask?" That creates an emotional response because it’s seen as an attack. It puts the person in fight-or-flight mode – which is a natural reaction to stress and being attacked. Other questions are fine, because they show an interest in "how" you can solve the problem, "what" you can do, or "when" something might get resolved. So try something like, "How can I get you to hang up your towels?"
Step #3: Negotiate a solution. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it. That’s why Puhn stresses the importance of couples working together. So, if you suggest that each of you is responsible for your own towel, and your spouse offers to alternate weeks cleaning the bedroom and doing the laundry - your days of arguing are over.
Remember: There are going to be disagreements in every marriage, but your goal shouldn’t be to win the argument. It should be to make the argument go away, because if one person wins, that means the other loses – and that keeps the negative feelings alive.
Step #1: Take a seat. When you feel your next fight brewing, say something like, "Honey, can you please sit down, we need to talk.” Puhn says this accomplishes three things: First, it gives you a few moments to calm down. Second, it lets your partner know that the issue is serious and needs to be resolved. Third: the act of sitting drains energy from the fight, so things won’t get as heated.
Step #2: Find out what’s really going on - but don’t ask "why" questions, like "Why can’t you ever do what I ask?" That creates an emotional response because it’s seen as an attack. It puts the person in fight-or-flight mode – which is a natural reaction to stress and being attacked. Other questions are fine, because they show an interest in "how" you can solve the problem, "what" you can do, or "when" something might get resolved. So try something like, "How can I get you to hang up your towels?"
Step #3: Negotiate a solution. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they participate in creating it. That’s why Puhn stresses the importance of couples working together. So, if you suggest that each of you is responsible for your own towel, and your spouse offers to alternate weeks cleaning the bedroom and doing the laundry - your days of arguing are over.
Remember: There are going to be disagreements in every marriage, but your goal shouldn’t be to win the argument. It should be to make the argument go away, because if one person wins, that means the other loses – and that keeps the negative feelings alive.
Monday
Steps to a happier household
Parents – want to bring your family closer together? Of course you do! That’s why I’ve got some great advice from Reader’s Digest for creating a happier household:
First: Provide order and stability. Kids need a routine so they feel calm and reassured. A predictable daily schedule, clear rules, and an organized house make both you and your children more relaxed and comfortable. So when crises do occur, kids know there’s a part of life that won’t change. A calm bedtime routine is a good start.
Next: Hold family meetings. That way everyone knows they’ll have a certain time when they can talk about something that’s bothering them, or share good news. It’s also a good time to plan for the week ahead and avoid last minute anxiety over whether they have a ride to a music lesson or new soccer shoes for practice.
Another path to a happy household: Create rituals. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives kids a sense of continuity. Some families observe religious rituals while others make up their own, like pizza and scrabble on Friday nights. Rituals give children things to look forward to.
Also: Parents shouldencourage loving feelings in their children. Studies have shown that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. So, take time to just hang out together, and insist that children treat others with kindness and respect - especially their siblings.
And one more way to encourage a happy family: Schedule parent-only time. When you’re upset about bills, or you get angry you’re your spouse, you create an atmosphere that kids might find upsetting. So, take a long walk without the kids and schedule regular dates to help soothe your worries and recreate the love that brought you together in the first place. When you’re happy, you’ll be a much better parent to your children.
First: Provide order and stability. Kids need a routine so they feel calm and reassured. A predictable daily schedule, clear rules, and an organized house make both you and your children more relaxed and comfortable. So when crises do occur, kids know there’s a part of life that won’t change. A calm bedtime routine is a good start.
Next: Hold family meetings. That way everyone knows they’ll have a certain time when they can talk about something that’s bothering them, or share good news. It’s also a good time to plan for the week ahead and avoid last minute anxiety over whether they have a ride to a music lesson or new soccer shoes for practice.
Another path to a happy household: Create rituals. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives kids a sense of continuity. Some families observe religious rituals while others make up their own, like pizza and scrabble on Friday nights. Rituals give children things to look forward to.
Also: Parents shouldencourage loving feelings in their children. Studies have shown that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. So, take time to just hang out together, and insist that children treat others with kindness and respect - especially their siblings.
And one more way to encourage a happy family: Schedule parent-only time. When you’re upset about bills, or you get angry you’re your spouse, you create an atmosphere that kids might find upsetting. So, take a long walk without the kids and schedule regular dates to help soothe your worries and recreate the love that brought you together in the first place. When you’re happy, you’ll be a much better parent to your children.
Here are The Three Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship
What are the 3 best things you can do for your relationship? Oprah’s “O” magazine asked the top 3 relationship experts for their best piece of marriage advice. And here they are:
Number one comes from psychologist Harville Hendrix, author of “Getting the Love You Want”. He says – stop all the shame, blame and criticism! Instead, ask for what you want in a clear, specific and positive manner. This goes double for wives! Men need to feel competent. They react better when you tell them what you do like, which behaviors make you happy. So instead of grabbing the sponge and telling your husband he doesn’t know how to wash the dishes, instead, say ‘thank you for pitching in!’ When men get acknowledged for things, they’ll keep doing them.
The second piece of marriage advice comes from Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum, author of “The Weekend Marriage”. She says, when your relationship starts to break down, you need triple A – apology, affection, and a promise of action. Say you’re sorry for what you’ve done to disappoint your partner. Immediately offer a hug, a kiss, a meaningful gesture of warmth. Then pledge to do something that matters to your partner. The whole thing will take 2 minutes, but in that time you’ve healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for the future.
The third and final piece of relationship advice comes from Dr. Ruth Westheimer, author of “52 Lessons on Communicating Love”. Dr. Ruth says, all relationships grow stale as time goes by. The best thing you can do is to pump some fresh air into it. A long weekend away would be ideal, but even a few hours away from work, the kids, the cell phone, and life’s responsibilities helps. Reconnect with each other by remembering the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Do the things that you used to do – talk over dinner, walk with your arms around one another. When you get home, you’ll find ‘your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks’ – those are Dr. Ruth’s words.
Number one comes from psychologist Harville Hendrix, author of “Getting the Love You Want”. He says – stop all the shame, blame and criticism! Instead, ask for what you want in a clear, specific and positive manner. This goes double for wives! Men need to feel competent. They react better when you tell them what you do like, which behaviors make you happy. So instead of grabbing the sponge and telling your husband he doesn’t know how to wash the dishes, instead, say ‘thank you for pitching in!’ When men get acknowledged for things, they’ll keep doing them.
The second piece of marriage advice comes from Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum, author of “The Weekend Marriage”. She says, when your relationship starts to break down, you need triple A – apology, affection, and a promise of action. Say you’re sorry for what you’ve done to disappoint your partner. Immediately offer a hug, a kiss, a meaningful gesture of warmth. Then pledge to do something that matters to your partner. The whole thing will take 2 minutes, but in that time you’ve healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for the future.
The third and final piece of relationship advice comes from Dr. Ruth Westheimer, author of “52 Lessons on Communicating Love”. Dr. Ruth says, all relationships grow stale as time goes by. The best thing you can do is to pump some fresh air into it. A long weekend away would be ideal, but even a few hours away from work, the kids, the cell phone, and life’s responsibilities helps. Reconnect with each other by remembering the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Do the things that you used to do – talk over dinner, walk with your arms around one another. When you get home, you’ll find ‘your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks’ – those are Dr. Ruth’s words.
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